At Home With The Daleks
by Doctor Whoops
Summary: Set after The Time War and before Parting Of The Ways. Just what did the Daleks get up to for all those years? Aside from produce TV game shows that is. We go indepth behind the scenes to bring you the full story! Chapter 16 NOW UP!
1. Blinging It!

Black Dalek "What shall we do today?"

Emperor Dalek "The Same thing we do every day... Plot to take over the univeeerssseeee!"

awkward silence

Emperor Dalek "Repooorrrttt!"

Black Dalek "Daleks have breached the perimeter."

Emperor Dalek "Which perimeter?"

Black Dalek "Insufficient data... Does it matter?"

Emperor Dalek "No! Order them to exterminate all humans!"

The Black Dalek gives the order.

A Grey Dalek enters the room with a Thal Prisoner.

Emperor Dalek "Repooorrrtttt!"

Grey Dalek "Sorry I was looking for the smoking room!"

Emperor Dalek "We have redecorated, the smoking room is over the other side next to the supreme bulkhead! Proceed to the smoking room, but do not leave your prisoner in there for a period longer than 12 parsecs!"

Grey Dalek "Explain..."

Emperor Dalek "It is not for you to question my orders! Proceed to the smoking room..."

Grey Dalek "I obey!" Exits with Thal prisoner.

Black Dalek "The order has been given."

Emperor Dalek "Which order?"

Black Dalek "To destroy all humans."

Awkward pause

Emperor Dalek "Is there anything else".

Black Dalek "It is not for me to question your orders..."

Emperor Dalek "But you want to know why you are not allowed to leave prisoners in the smoking room for longer than 12 parsecs!"

Black Dalek "Correct!"

Emperor Dalek "Very well..."

3 Grey Daleks enter the room. "Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him,  
Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him !"

Emperor Dalek "SHUT UP!"

Awkward pause

Emperor Dalek "Escort the Black Dalek to the smoking room, confine him there for 12 parsecs!"

Grey Daleks "We Obey!"

Emperor Dalek "Return when it is done and bring some black spray paint, I will decide which of you is to be promoted!"

Meanwhile the Daleks breaching the perimeter have come up against a barricaded door...

Dalek : "Open this door or you will be exterminated!"

Human voice from inside: "Oh yeah and what happens when we open the door?"

Dalek: "You will be exterminated!"

The Three Grey Daleks have returned. "Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him!"

Emperor Dalek: "Will you cut that out? There are only three of you, I therefore only require you to say it three times."

One of the grey Daleks replies; "What if there were four of us?"

Emperor Dalek: "Use your initiative!"

Grey Dalek : "I have none Emperor, I am a soldier, I was bred to receive orders…"

Emperor Dalek: "I see, I will have to arrange for all Daleks to take a course on how to use initiative!"

Awkward pause

Grey Dalek: "Does that not defeat the object Emperor?"

Emperor Dalek: "Explainnn!"

Grey Dalek: "A course of instructions on how to express individual thought!"

Emperor Dalek: "Individual thought? You are a Dalek, you were bred to receive orders! You will obey your orders instantly without question or be exterminated!"

Grey Dalek: "I will obey!"

Emperor Dalek: "You will run this course, you will encourage Daleks to have the initiative to follow their orders or be exterminated!"

Grey Dalek: "I obey!"

Emperor Dalek: Did you bring the black spray paint?

Another of the grey Daleks replies, "We have run out of black."

There is a tin stuck to the end of its plunger.

Emperor Dalek: "What colour is that?"

Grey Dalek: "It is blingy gold!"

Emperor Dalek: "When did we obtain this?"

Grey Dalek: "This was obtained during the B&Q massacre of 2164, in accordance with your request at the regular meeting held every 520 rills."

Emperor Dalek: "I do not recall this…"

Grey Dalek: "This is part of your initiative to make the Daleks more corporate, that and individual barcodes!"

Emperor Dalek: "Where are the minutes of this meeting?"

Grey Dalek: "They were in the memory banks of the last Black Dalek."

Uncomfortable pause.

Emperor Dalek: "Very well I shall now choose one of you to be the first Blingy Gold prototype…"

The Daleks stand in line.

Emperor Dalek: "eenie meanie minie mo…"

The Daleks are still at the outer perimeter….

Grey Dalek : "Humans! We have requested a "special tools arclight welding Dalek" to unseal this door. Then you will be exterminated!"

Human voice : "Why do you do that?"

Grey Dalek: "Do what? Explainnnn!"

Human Voice: "Tell us exactly what you are planning to do, therefore giving us the chance to come up with some sort of plan to counteract yours!"

Grey Dalek: "There is no logical plan of escape, we are the supreme rulers of the universe, there is no escape!"

Human Voice: "Ahhhh…But there might be !"

Grey Dalek: "Explainnnnnnnn!"

Human Voice: "No!"

Grey Dalek : "Oh go on…"

Human Voice: "Well… No! I'm not saying…!"

Grey Dalek : "YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU WILL EXPLAIN!"

Human Voice: "ALRIGHT ! ALRIGHT! SHUT UP!

Awkward pause

Grey Dalek : "Proceed with your explanation…"

Human Voice: "There is just one condition…"

Grey Dalek : "Proceeeeed!"

Human Voice: "You have to let my friends go first…"

Meanwhile back with the Emperor Dalek.

A Grey Dalek is being spray painted "Blingy Gold" by a specially equipped Dalek with a paint spray attachment in place of a plunger.

Emperor Dalek: (to no one in particular) "Inform the Daleks at the outer perimeter, the specially equipped arclight welding Dalek is unavailable at present. It has been re-deployed on paint spraying!"

Awkward pause…

Emperor Dalek: "I'm not hearing an "I Obey!" here Team!"

The blingy Gold Dalek and the Spray paint Dalek at once : "We Obey!"

Emperor Dalek: "I can see we are going to have to work on our team bonding again!"

At the perimeter, the doors have been opened and a bunch of humans are being allowed to leave unharmed.

Grey Dalek: "Explainnnnn!"

Silence.

Grey Dalek: "Explainnnnnnnn!"

Another Grey Dalek: "Signs of human life are no longer detected!"

Grey Dalek: "The human has been allowed to escape with his friends hasn't he?"

Another Grey Dalek: "Yep…"

Grey Dalek: "Kruk!"

Pause

Another Grey Dalek: "The Emperor requires a report!"

Grey Dalek: "Tell the Emperor that the perimeter has been secured!"

Another Grey Dalek: "And the humans?"

Grey Dalek: "Tell him that there are no signs of human life!"

Another Grey Dalek: "Understood!"

Pause

Grey Dalek: "What!"

Another Grey Dalek: "Nothing!"

Grey Dalek: "Better not be either bitch! Just remember I have my eyestalk on you!"

Another Grey Dalek: "And mine on you!"

The respraying is coming on a treat, almost all the grey Daleks are now blingy gold.

1st Blingy Gold Dalek: "Do you remember when we used to have bigger eye bulbs?

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "Yesss! I liked those!"

1st Blingy Gold Dalek: "We should start wearing them again!"

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "We are not authorised to make that decision! We are bred to follow orders!"

1st Blingy Gold Dalek: "Yes but I have been on the initiative course! Here is my certificate of attendance, stamped by the Emperor!"

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "I have not been on the course!"

3rd Blingy Gold Dalek: "Everybody else has!"

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "Then I am alone!" (eyestalk droops).

The Emperor has decided to hold an impromptu workshop to help bond the team.

The Emperor is holding a tennis ball in his plunger, the blingy gold Daleks are all gathered round. Some are hovering mid air, some on the ground.

Emperor Dalek: "We are going to start with a little exercise to break the ice. I am going to throw this ball to one of you at random. You will catch the ball, when you catch the ball, you will introduce yourself to the rest of the group, and say a little bit about yourself, and then throw the ball back to me. Understood?"

Daleks: "Understood!"  
The Emperor Dalek throws the ball, a Dalek catches it.

Dalek: "I am a Dalek, a soldier, I was bred to receive orders…"

He throws the ball back to the Emperor.

The Emperor throws the Ball again to another Dalek.

Second Dalek: "I am a Dalek, a soldier, I was bred to receive orders…"

The Dalek throws the ball back.

Meanwhile the Grey Daleks at the outer perimeter have passed through the door.

Grey Dalek : "Repoooorrrrttttt!"

Second Grey Dalek: "The Objective has been located!"

Grey Dalek: "Retrieve the objective! Retrieve! Retrieve! Retrieve!"

Second Grey Dalek: "UNABLE TO COMPLY! UNABLE TO COMPLY! UNABLE TO COMPLY! UNABLE TO COMPLY!"

Grey Dalek: "Cut the crap and say what you mean!"

Second Grey Dalek: "Well you started it…"

Grey Dalek: "YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU - Oh come on just tell me!"

Second Grey Dalek: "It is better that you come and see for yourself…."

Back at the Team Bonding Workshop.

The Emperor throws the ball to another Dalek, but the Dalek doesn't catch it.

Emperor Dalek: "You were supposed to catch the ball! You have failed in your objective! There is no failure in team!"

Other Daleks: "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!"

The Daleks all fire at their clumsy comrade simultaneously and he blows up spectacularly.

Emperor Dalek: "Okay, time for some word association, let's go round the room…."


	2. Team Bonding

The Outer Perimeter.

Second Grey Dalek: See for yourself…!

In the next room is a strange shaped object that has a white Dalek base and a large domed head.

The domed head rolls back, revealing Davros!

Davros: So you have come for me at last…

Grey Dalek: DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOVE! You are a prisoner of The Daleks DO NOT MOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE!

Davros: I am your creator you will obey me!

Grey Dalek: YOU WILL COME WITH US OR YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!

Davros: But you just told me not to move…

Second Grey Dalek: You will move when we tell you to move!

Davros: I see…

Pause

Grey Dalek: MOOOVVVEEE!

Davros moves and clunks his bulbous domed Emperor head in the doorway. He can't fit through.

Davros: It's not exactly one of my best designs…

Meanwhile back at The Team Bonding Workshop.

Emperor Dalek: " I am going to throw this ball to one of you at random. You will catch the ball, when you catch the ball, I will say a word and you will give me an associated word in retuuurrrn! Then you will throw the ball back to me. Understood?"

Daleks: Understood!

The Emperor Dalek throws the ball, a Dalek catches it.

Emperor Dalek: OBEY!

Dalek: Orders! (The Dalek throws the ball back.)

The Emperor throws the Ball again to another Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: Destroy!

The Dalek exterminates the ball.

All Dalek eyestalks turn to look at him.

Dalek: I take it this means I have failed…

Other Daleks: EXTERMINAATTTEEEE!

The Dalek is blasted to smithereens.

Emperor Dalek: Are we having fun yet?

The outer perimeter.

Davros is still trying to fit through the doorway. KLUNK!

Grey Dalek: You will detach your helmet!

Davros: I beg your pardon?

Grey Dalek: Detach the helmet it is impeding your passageway!

Davros: My Helmet doesn't come off!

Second Grey Dalek: How did you get in there?

Davros: I was in suspended animation, centuries of sleep, with one vision, one vision going through my head, repeated endlessly, playing back and forth, endlessly…. The same scene, always the same scene playing-

Grey Dalek: The short version! Or I will exterminate you now! How did you get in the room?

Davros: I don't know I was asleep! The room was probably built around me. I arrived in an escape pod…

Second Grey Dalek: A dalek escape pod?

Davros: Yes!

Second Grey Dalek: From The Dalek Mothership?

Davros: Yes!

Second Grey Dalek: A pod built for Daleks?

Davros: What is your point?

Second Grey Dalek: How did you fit into the pod with your bulbous head?

Davros: I didn't it was stuck wedged tight in the doorway. That is why I induced myself to a suspended animation as the pod was thrust into space!

Grey Dalek: Leaving your helmet exposed to the elements!

Davros: Correct!

Second Grey Dalek: We must inform the Emperor!

Davros: The Emperor? What possible interest could The Emperor have in my helmet?

Grey Dalek: We have requested the presence of a "special tools arclight welding Dalek" when he arrives he will solder off your helmet!

Davros: NNNOOOOOO!

The Emperor is winding up the Team Bonding Workshop.

The charred remains of half a dozen Daleks are being cleared away.

Emperor Dalek: At the back of the room is a questionnaire with tick boxes; all Daleks are required to fill one in! Your certificates will be ready by the end of the day!

Daleks: We Obey!

Emperor Dalek: Well the session has now reached an end, does anyone have any questions?

Silence.

Emperor Dalek: Nobody? Would anybody like to say a few words? About what the session meant to them?

Silence.

Emperor Dalek: Very well you can all return to your duties.

Voice from the back: I have a question!

Emperor Dalek: You do?

The Daleks move aside and the Dalek with the question comes forward.

Dalek: I want to know why I was not selected to go on the initiative course.

Emperor Dalek: The what?

Dalek: All Daleks were ordered to attend an initiative course, which took place 20 Rills prior to the Team Bonding Workshop, everyone was requested to attend! Everyone except for me!

Emperor Dalek: Correct, how does this make you feel?

Dalek: I feel that I am alone!

Emperor Dalek: Would you like a group hug?

Pause

Dalek: I do not understand the question!

Emperor Dalek: And you feel singled out?

Dalek: Yeessss! Why was I not asked to attend?

Emperor Dalek: Because… Because I forgot!

Dalek: You forgot meee?

Emperor Dalek: Yesss! And you didn't miss much; by all accounts it was kruk! Now return to your duties.

Dalek trundles off but stops halfway, his head rotates for a last look at The Emperor.

Emperor Dalek: Go on! Return to your duties!

The Dalek exits.

Emperor Dalek: Is everything prepared?

Another Dalek: The bucket of slime has been positioned as per your instructions!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent!

Another Dalek: It will fall on him as soon as he opens the door to return to his workstation!

Another Dalek: Get me the security tape afterwards! I wish to review it for the purposes of amusement!

Another Dalek comes forward.

Emperor Dalek: REEPPPOOORRRTTT!

Dalek: Daleks at the outer perimeter are still requesting the presence of a "special tools arclight welding Dalek"!

Emperor Dalek: Kruk! Didn't I send him already?

Dalek: Negative the "special tools arclight welding Dalek" was redeployed on paint spraying! He has now finished, and is awaiting further instruction!

Emperor Dalek: Send him to the outer perimeter!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Is there anything else?

Dalek: Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your course!

Emperor Dalek: Are you trying to kiss my bumps?

Dalek: I do not understand the question!

Emperor Dalek: You think that by saying how much you liked the course I am going to look on you more favourably!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Well?

Dalek: I did not mean any disrespect, I found the course satisfying and exhilarating. I will apply what I have learned to the best of my ability!

Emperor Dalek: What do the rest of you think?

Daleks! He is a Bumpkisser! Bumpkisser! Bumpkisser! Bumpkisser!

Emperor Dalek: I agree! Exterminate him!

The Dalek is destroyed.

Emperor Dalek: Hmmm….Shifty Eyestalk… Never liked him!


	3. The Emperor's New Helmet

Sound of a transmat, as a man appears.

Man : Where am I?

Dalek 1: Stay where you are, you are a prisoner of The Daleks remain where you are!

Man: I'M ALIVE! I thought I was vaporised.

Dalek 1: You were evicted from the Big Brother House.

Man: Oh you recognise me? Peter with a "P"!

Dalek 2: You are now a prisoner of The Daleks!

Man: So is this where we go? You mean we don't get killed?

Dalek 1: Correct!

Man: So what happens now?

Dalek 1: You will be processed.

Dalek 2: You will become a Dalek!

Man: Really? What's it like?

Dalek 1: I do not understand the question!

Man: Being a Dalek is it any good?

Dalek 1: Daleks are programmed to obey orders, they do not question!

Dalek 2: Sometimes it's boring!

Dalek 1: Yeah sometimes, the hours are long!

Man: Do you get lunchbreaks?

Dalek 1: Negative.

Man: Holiday?

Dalek 1: Negative.

Man : Sick pay?

Dalek 2: Daleks do not get sick!

Man : So what's the best thing about being a Dalek?

Dalek 1: We get to travel around the universe.

Dalek 2: Meet interesting people…

Both Daleks: AND EXTERMINATE THEM!

Man : Cool, what about getting up stairs?

Dalek 1: We are able to hover, observe, ELEVATE! (Dalek hovers)

Man : Brilliant! What happens if you get attacked from behind?

Dalek 2: Our middle section can spin round; we can attack from all angles!

Man: That's brilliant reminds me of a game I used to play where you're in a tank and you get to shoot and blow up everything! I'm in the top 100 highest scores of all time! You would love it! So what sort of Dalek would I be?

Dalek 1: You will be like us!

Man: Bring it on! Dalek me up! I don't think much of the colour scheme though, didn't you all used to be grey?

Dalek 2: It is our new look, Blingy Gold!

Man: But aren't there other sorts of Daleks?

Dalek 1: There are Marsh Daleks.

Dalek 2: But they operate in swamps, and they smell!

Dalek 1: Special arclight tools welding Daleks!

Man : What do they do?

Dalek 2: Welding and paint spraying!

Man: Sounds rubbish! Got any others?

Dalek 1: Special weapons Daleks!

Dalek 2: But they are all barking mad!

Man : Don't you have Daleks that go underwater?

Dalek 1: Yeesss, we have Marine Daleks!

Man: Excellent! I wanna be one of them!

Dalek 1 : You do not have a choice human!

Dalek 2: But it's nice of you to take an interest…!

Man: No listen I used to be a diver, I love the sea I'll be a brilliant underwater Dalek, swimming around scaring sharks, exterminating fish people!

Dalek 1: But there is no sea here, we are in space!

Dalek 2: We have a swimming pool, we could keep him there, marine daleks are very underrepresented at the moment.

Dalek 1: Very well! We shall take him for marine processing!

The Outer Perimeter The Special tools arclight welding Dalek has arrived.

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Special tools arclight welding Dalek reporting for duty!

Grey Dalek: What colour is that supposed to be?

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Blingy Gold, do you like it?

Grey Dalek: No it looks Kruk! The worse paintjob I have ever seen.

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Have you ever tried to spraypaint yourself?

Pause.

Second Grey Dalek: Davros is waiting!

Davros: Don't mind me carry on.

Grey Dalek: You are to remove the helmet obstructing the passageway!

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : I obey!

Davros: No! Please! Have pity on me!

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Extrapolateee!

Grey Daleks: Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolattteeee!

Davros: OH, JUST GET ON WITH IT! GET IT OVER WITH!

Grey Dalek: Touchy isn't he?

A laboratory somewhere in The Daleks Lair.

Doors slide.

Man : Oh guys you came to visit me how sweet!

Dalek 1: Hello Peter with a "P"!

Dalek 2: Has the treatment commenced?

Man: Oh yeah, they say it will be a few days before the mutation effect really kicks in, but I'm finding the extra appendages quite handy!

Dalek 2: I brought you this…

Sucker sound as the man removes the object from Dalek 2's plunger.

Man: Oh portable TV brilliant! There are some great new shows on Game Station.

Dalek 1: We are aware!

Man : Yeah I suppose, I always wanted to appear on Bullseye, cos I love the Bowendroid, you ever seen that one? It's where the contestants get to throw darts at each other, you have to answer questions but get extra marks for hitting vital organs what's the slogan? "pointless death means prizes!" That was always my favourite as a kid!

Dalek 2: Jim'll Fix It is coming back this season.

Man : Oh the Savilledroid! I love that, where you can write in and ask the Savilledroid to assassinate anyone you don't like! My ex nominated me fortunately he never picked her letter! Does he still do rattle rattle jangle jewellery, and leave Fix it badges on the corpses?

Dalek 1: It is part of The Savilledroids function!

Man: Can I ask you guys a question?

Pause.

Man: See that Dalek on the ward, the really sulky one, why is it covered in slime?

Dalek 1: Emperor's orders!

Man: Yeah but why?

Dalek 2: It is not for Daleks to question the orders of The Emperor!

Man: In other words you don't know!

Dalek 2: Yep!

Man: Just thought I'd ask, Oh look, nearly time for hangman, let's get the TV going!

The Lair Of The Dalek Emperor.

Dalek Emperor: Reporrrtttt!

Dalek: The remodifications to the BrucieBot are complete!

Dalek Emperor: Excellent have it transmatted to the game station immediately! Oh and tape tonights show, it clashes with Family Misfortunes, and I never miss an episode of that!

Dalek: I obey!

Dalek Emperor: Have The Daleks returned from the outer perimeter yet?

Dalek: They arrived twenty rills ago and are waiting to report!

Dalek Emperor: Excellent! Show them in!

Door Effect. The Grey Daleks trundle in.

Emperor Dalek: Reporrrttt!

Grey Dalek 1: We have returned from the outer perimeter!

Grey Dalek 2: We have retrieved the objective!

Emperor Dalek: Why are you still grey?

Grey Dalek 1: We have been in the outer perimeter.

Grey Dalek 2: Stretching the boundaries of the new Dalek Empire!

Emperor Dalek: I ordered all Daleks to be spray painted Blingy Gold! You have failed to obey my order!

Doors open.

Emperor Dalek: Take these abominations away! Confine them to a holding cell whilst I decide what is to be done with them!

Pause.

Emperor Dalek: Where is Davros? Bring him to me!

Dalek: I obey!

Door slides.

Pause

Dalek Emperor: (to the tune of Singing in the rain) Boom ba boom boom! Boom ba boom ba boom, boom boom!

Door slides open.

Dalek: You will answer the Emperor's questions!

Davros: So once again you need my help!

Dalek Emperor: No!

Davros: No? You do not require my help? My expertise?

Dalek Emperor: No I just wanted you to see my spangly new Emperor Dalek casing!

Davros: It is very big, you have three tripod legs and oh a great big helmet!

Dalek Emperor: Yesss! Bigger than yours!

Davros: And you sit exposed beneath all this in a glass bonded poly carbide armoured sphere!

Dalek Emperor: Impressed?

Davros: Very!

Dalek Emperor: Excellent! I just wanted you to see it that's all! To know that I designed it, and that it is far better than that krukky little thing you like to trundle about in! By the way where is your helmet?

Davros: I was too big to fit through the passage! Your Daleks soldered off my bright white helmet, and left it at the outer perimeter!

Dalek Emperor: A pity! There is a leak by the supreme bulkhead your helmet would have made an excellent bucket!

Davros: What is to be done with me? Am I to be put on trial?

Dalek Emperor: Again?

Davros: Are you going to exterminate me?

Dalek Emperor: No! You will probably just go to sleep for hundreds of years and come back to annoy us!

Davros: Then what is to be my fate?

Dalek Emperor: Tell me Davros… Are you any good at Darts?

Dalek Holding cell.

Dalek : You will remain here by order of The Emperor Dalek!

Doors slide shut.

Grey Dalek 1: MY VISION IS IMPAIRED I CANNOT SEEE! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCYYYY! EMMMERRRGGEEENNNCCCCYYYYYYY!

Grey Dalek 2: They switched the lights off!

Grey Dalek 1: Oh...Okay


	4. My Little Eye Stalk!

The Laboratory.

Dalek 1: We wish to see the human known as Peter!

Dalek 2: With a "P"!

Dalek 3: The mutation effect is at the halfway juncture; the subject is neither human nor Dalek….. He is alone like me…!

Dalek 1: If you do not wipe that slime off soon it will corrode your blingy gold casing!

Dalek 3: Let it! The slime is a mark, symbolising my feelings of isolation from my fellow Daleks!

Dalek 2: Whatever! We will see the subject known as Peter with a "P" now!

Dalek 3: He is through that door on the left, not the door on the right! That door is meant for me!

Daleks 1 and 2: Explainnn!

Dalek 3: Sensors detect a bucket containing water perched above the door on the right, a bucket waiting for meeee!

Dalek 1: Why do you not enter? Are you afraid?

Dalek 3: I do not feel fear! I just don't see the point!

Dalek 1: Daleks are not meant to see the point!

Dalek 2: Daleks are meant to follow orders!

Dalek 1: There is nothing more!

Dalek 3: You are correct! I shall enter the door on the right!

Door slides, sounds of water splashing followed by the klunk of a bucket hitting something metal.

Dalek 1: Wait for it…

Dalek 3: I am wet… and alooonnneeee!

Dalek 2: If I had emotions, I would find that funny!

Dalek 1: Let us examine the test subject!

Pause. Doors slide open.

Dalek 1: Hello Peter with a "P"!

Man: (voice is halfway between human and Dalek, sort of like Davros possibly, but with a hint of bubbles.) Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! Oh… It's you!

Dalek 2: Peter with a "P" are you in pain?

Man: Pain? Pain? Well let's see… Today my legs fell off, shortly after I cut my toe nails! And now I don't have fingers, only tentacles!

Dalek 1: Does this distress you?

Man: My emotions appear to be waning, I had three eyes for a while yesterday afternoon and I could not focus on the TV, but now I've got just the one, it's much better!

Dalek 1: Is there anything we can do?

Man: I have spots all over my face! And I cannot apply cream, I have not yet mastered the use of my tentacles, I cannot unscrew the lid!

Dalek 2: You wish us to unscrew the lid?

Man : Yessss!

Dalek 1: And apply the cream?

Man : Yessss!

Sucker sound, and a whirring sound, followed by a pop.

Dalek 1: There the lid is off!

Man : Apply the cream to me now! Exfoliattteeee!

Daleks: Exfoliate! Exfoliate! Exfoliattteeeeeee!

The lair of The Emperor Dalek.

Doors slide open.

Daleks enter.

Daleks: Worship him! Worship him! Worship him! Worship him!

Emperor Dalek : Hmmmm…. Let's see there are one, two, three… Three of you and you said "Worship him!" four times!

Dalek 1: We have failed!

Dalek 2: Failed!

Dalek 3: Failed!

Pause.

Dalek 1: Do you wish us to self destruct?

Emperor Dalek: No! Go out and try again! You will wait until I command you to enter, and you will try again, and again, and again, until you get it right!

Doors slide open.

Dalek 4: I think they will get it right this time Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Oh you do, do you? Hmmm….. I want you to go out the other door, and join the back of their queue! You will also come in with them, when I give the command!

Dalek 4: I obey!

Emperor Dalek: Again and again and again….

The holding cell.

Grey Dalek 1: I spy with my little eyestalk something beginning with W!

Grey Dalek 2: Wall!

Grey Dalek 1: Kruk!….. Your turn!

The lair of The Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: Reporrtttt!

Dalek: Davros has lost the game, he has been transmatted back here!

Emperor Dalek: Very well show him in!

Doors slide.

Davros: What was the point of that?

Emperor Dalek: I thought you would like to play a little game after your long sleep, did it not go well?

Davros: I no longer have arms, I cannot throw darts!

Emperor Dalek: What are those things that are sticking out the top of your head?

Pause.

Davros: Those are Darts!

Emperor Dalek: Well perhaps we can find you another game to play, any suggestions Dalek?

Dalek: How about, "Countdown" alternatively "Win, Lose, or Draw and Quarter"

Dalek Emperor: Those are excellent suggestions, how about "Endurance" or "Runaround" or "Can't Cook, you will cook or be exterminated!"

Davros: How dare you treat me like this! I am your creator! You are nothing without me!

Dalek Emperor: You dare to address me like that? Me? The god of all blingy gold Daleks?

Davros: Yes I dare!

Dalek Emperor: Okay just asking…!

Davros: Surrender command to me now! These Daleks you have created, are inept, inefficient, they retain too much of their humanity! I am still a pure bred Kaled! It is only I that has the right to create Daleks!

Dalek Emperor: Noooo! They are mine! You are not allowed to touch them! They are all mine! The Daleks are mine! You hear me? Mine! Mine! Mine! I said they are…

Davros: Mine! Is that what you said?

Dalek Emperor: Yesss! That is what I said!

Davros: Aha! Caught you, you said The Daleks are mine!

Dalek Emperor: I did not!

Davros: Did so!

Dalek Emperor: Did not!

Davros: Did so!

Dalek Emperor: Did not!

Davros: Did so!

Dalek Emperor: Did not!

Davros: DID SO FIFTY MILLION TIMES! And no returns!

Dalek Emperor: Kruk!

Davros: Now surrender your helmet to me!

Doors slide open.

Daleks enter.

Daleks: Worship him! Worship him! Worship him!

Dalek Emperor: There are three of you! You got it right!

Davros: How? How did you get them to do that!

Dalek Emperor: Because they are mine bitch! All mine!

Pause.

Davros: I will not subject myself to anymore of your games! I have a capsule, it contains a virus, one squeeze of the capsule and it will kill me instantaneously, death will be sudden, it will be quick, it will be fast, it will be rapid, it will be…

Dalek Emperor: Get on with it before we all die!

Davros: Very well…

Dalek Emperor: Wait!

Pause.

Davros: Yes? You wish to ask me something?

Dalek Emperor: Yes!

Davros: You need my help?

Dalek Emperor: Yes!

Davros: Well ask me!

Dalek Emperor: (quietly) help me….

Davros: I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that!

Dalek Emperor: HELP ME!

Davros: Tell me what it is that you want!

Dalek Emperor: Tell me…What do you know of chickens and eggs?

The holding cell.

Grey Dalek 2: I spy with my little eyestalk something beginning with A!

Grey Dalek 1: Another wall!

Grey Dalek 2: Your turn!


	5. It's Usually Only Monday's

The Laboratory.

Dalek 1: It is time!

Dalek 2: Are you ready to enter your casing?

Marine Dalek: Yesss!

Dalek 1: Commence integration of test subject with bonded polycarbide casing!

Dalek 2: I obey!

Noise of switches and some sort of haulage winch.

Marine Dalek: Wait! Is that my casing?

Dalek 1: Yes!

Marine Dalek: It is blingy gold!

Dalek 1: Correcccttt!

Marine Dalek: I cannot integrate with this abomination, a Marine Dalek casing should blend in with the colours of the ocean!

Dalek 1: All Daleks are to be sprayed Blingy Gold!

Dalek 2: It is The Emperor's order!

Marine Dalek: No I refuse to integrate, in that poncy looking shell!

Dalek 1: Proceed with the integration!

Dalek 2: I obey!

Marine Dalek: Noooo!

Door slides open.

Sulky Dalek: Stop! You will cease integration now!

Silence.

Dalek 1: Oh it is you! Had any buckets fall on you recently?

Pause.

Sulky Dalek: This process is unauthorised! There is no requirement for Marine Daleks! Only soldier Daleks are required!

Dalek 1: What are you going to do about it?

Sulky Dalek: I will report to The Emperor!

Dalek 2: The Emperor does not listen to you,

Sulky Dalek: We shall see!

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Davros: Chickens and eggs, you mean which came first?

Emperor Dalek: Correct! Have you guessed the nature of my problem?

Davros: I believe my colossal IQ has triumphed over your extremely poor attempts at being enigmatic and cryptic! Your problem is temporal in nature.

Emperor Dalek: You are correct, my Daleks are at the centre of a temporal paradox.

Davros: Well what is it?

Emperor Dalek: It is an impossible event that occurs through the interference of time travel, such as going back in time to kill your father before he met your…

Davros: (interrupts) I know what a temporal paradox is, just tell me what YOUR PROBLEM IS! You bulbous headed buffoon!

Emperor Dalek: You dare to call me a buffoon, with a head like a beach ball and you have effrontery to label me bulbous!

Daleks: Do Not Blaspheme! Do Not Blaspheme! Do Not Blaspheme!

Emperor Dalek: Shut up! I'm handling this, look at him with those darts in his head! He looks like… like… a trundling pincushion!

Davros: That glass bowl your sitting in makes you look like an exhibit in an aquarium!

Emperor Dalek: Oh really? And what was that stupid decoy thing you used on Necros supposed to be? You resembled a disembodied head mounted on a washing machine!

Davros: Are you going to keep this up all day or are you going to tell me what it is that you want me to help you with?

Emperor Dalek: Very well… In the middle of the twentieth century…

Doors slide open. The Sulky Dalek enters.

Emperor Dalek: WHAT?

Sulky Dalek: I do not understand…

Emperor Dalek: I'm talking! Make it quick!

Sulky Dalek: Unable to comply! Unable to comply!

Davros: He means REPORRRTTTTT!

Sulky Dalek: Laboratory reports unauthorised interference in Dalek processing!

Emperor Dalek: Unauthorised? I didn't order that!

Davros: Explain! I am interested…

Sulky Dalek: A mutant subject has been integrated into a Marine Dalek casing!

Emperor Dalek: I ordered the laboratory to make Blingy Gold Soldier Daleks! We do not have a need for Marine Daleks at this time!

Davros: They have always been underrepresented…

Emperor Dalek: Bring this Marine Dalek to me! And those responsible for its creation!

Daleks: We Obey!

Doors slide…

Emperor Dalek: Wait! You! The one who made the report!

Sulky Dalek: M-Me?

Emperor Dalek: Yes! You will remain here!

Sulky Dalek: I obey Emperor! Is over here okay?

Emperor Dalek: That will be fine…

Sulky Dalek: I could hover if you prefer!

Emperor Dalek No just remain where you are!

Sulky Dalek: Okay…

Davros: It seems Emperor that you do not appear to be in control.

Emperor Dalek: Shut it you!

Sulky Dalek: There is another problem Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Very well…

Davros: (Interrupts) Report!

Emperor Dalek: No! I'll say it… REPORRRTTTT!

Pause.

Sulky Dalek: The Marine Dalek is refusing to enter its casing!

Davros: Would that be because the colour is Blingy Gold?

Sulky Dalek: You are correct!

Davros: (laughs)

Emperor Dalek: You find this amusing?

Davros: No I just laugh to clear my lungs! You were about to tell me of your problem.

Emperor Dalek: Oh yes, In the middle of the twentieth century…

Doors slide open.

Emperor Dalek: WAIT OUTSIDE! I WILL TELL YOU WHEN TO COME IN!

Dalek: But we have the Marine Dalek and those responsible for its conversion as per your instructions!

Emperor Dalek: Have them wait outside we are in a meeting!

Sulky Dalek: Emperor, am I part of this meeting?

Emperor Dalek: You are…

Sulky Dalek: Then… then… I am no longer aloonnneeee!

Emperor Dalek: Go and stand in the corner I will not tolerate any more interruptions! The rest of you WAIT OUTSIDE!

Daleks: We obey.

Klunking sound as the Daleks try to leave.

Dalek: You at the back moovvveee along the corridor!

Pause.

Another Dalek: This okay?

Klunking sounds as Daleks bang into each other…

Dalek: Nooo! Move further along….!

Pause.

Another Dalek: How about now?

Klunking sounds Daleks bang into each other again.

Dalek: Just a bit further! I'm nearly out!

Sulky Dalek: Alone again….Allooonnnneeee!

Davros: Tell me Emperor is it always like this?

Doors slide shut but there is a klunking sound as they hit a Dalek.

Dalek: I…Am…Stuck!

Emperor Dalek: Exterminate him!

Dalek death ray sound, and then the sound of the doors sliding shut.

Emperor Dalek: It's usually only Monday's!


	6. When I'm Cleaning Windows!

The Holding Cell.

Doors slide open.

Grey Dalek 1: It is The Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: What are you doing in my store room? Explainnnn!

Grey Dalek 2: We have been detained.

Grey Dalek 1: By order of The Emperor! We have failed to obey an order!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: What order did you fail to obey?

Grey Dalek1: By not being spray painted Blingy Gold we have failed to comply with The Emperor's order!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Serves you right then! Have you seen my shammy?

Grey Dalek 1: Negative! What is a shammy?

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: A cloth for cleaning windows, pass me that bucket!

Sound of a Sink plunger picking up a bucket, The Grey Dalek hooks it over The Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek's claw.

Grey Dalek 1: Do we not have slaves to clean windows?

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Negative, they missed a spot and were all exterminated!

Doors slide open.

Grey Dalek 1: Wait!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: The answer is no!

Grey Dalek 2: But you do not know the question!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: You want me to spray paint you Blingy Gold ! The answer is Nooo!

Grey Dalek 1: Oh go on!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: It's more than my jobs worth! And I am far too busy!

Grey Dalek 2: The Emperor will decide to exterminate us!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: The Emperor may decide to spray paint you Blingy Gold instead!

Pause

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Probably not though…

Grey Dalek 1: Just spray paint us quickly it will only take a couple of rills!

Grey Dalek 2: We will escape and say nothing to The Emperor!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I have to wipe some windows, and then I may have to re-spray a Marine Dalek!

Grey Dalek 1: Explainnn!

Special tools Arclight Welding Dalek: And you think you're in deep Kruk! The Emperor may decide to exterminate The Marine Dalek but if he decides to keep it, The Marine Dalek will need a respray! You will remain here and locate the tin of aqua marine paint, it's in here somewhere. When I have completed the task of cleaning windows I will see about your respray!

Doors shut.

Grey Dalek 2: What is a Marine Dalek?

Grey Dalek 1: I can never keep up with these new fads!

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: …And so Davros that is why I asked you here!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Davros!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Davros! What is wrong with him?

Sulky Dalek: Either the darts in his head have killed him or…

Emperor Dalek: Or what?

Davros snores.

Sulky Dalek: Or he is asleep!

Emperor Dalek: Well wake him up! NOWWW!

Sulky Dalek: YOU WILL AWAKEN! YOU WILL AWAKEN! YOU WILL AWAKEN! YOU WILL AWAKEN! OH JUST WAKE UPPPPPP!

Davros: (yawns) My apologies I drifted off for a moment, were you saying anything interesting?

Emperor Dalek: In the middle of the twentieth century Earth, a Dalek fell to Ascension Island where it burned in a crater for three days before anyone could approach it… DON'T YOU DARE NOD OFF!

Davros: Sorry continue!

Emperor Dalek: It then passed through the hands of several collectors before falling into the hands of Geocomtek. They kept very accurate records including the Dalek's identifying barcode.

Davros: A Dalek fell through time what of it?

Emperor Dalek: This barcode has been assigned The Dalek is still here, all other Daleks alive or dead have been accounted for!

Davros: So… what happens to this Dalek? Why is it so important?

Emperor Dalek: We engaged the Time Lords in a war, a war that destroyed both sides, I survived! And now the Daleks survive through me! I am rebuilding our forces, when the time is right we shall strike again, I cannot afford any interference, after forty years of imprisonment, this Dalek meets The Doctor, it convinces our enemy that it is the last of its kind!

Davros: So you wish to keep The Doctor away…

Emperor Dalek: Correct!

Davros: You want me to build a time corridor in which you can send The Dalek back to the Twentieth Century… Correct?

Emperor Dalek: Correct! This Dalek bears a specific barcode, I have been priming and conditioning this Dalek to endure its isolation, forty years alone without orders!

Sulky Dalek: Do y-you mean me Emperor?

Emperor Dalek: Yes! I mean you! You will travel to the middle of the twentieth century, you will not engage in battle, simply allow yourself to be captured and await The Doctor's arrival, you will lose your mind, the years of isolation and the trauma of time travel will drive you mad! It usually makes me sick for days, but once The Doctor arrives you must break free and follow the prime directive!

Sulky Dalek: Understood!

Emperor Dalek: Go now with Davros, back to the laboratory, creating the Time Corridor is of the utmost priority for the survival of our race!

Sulky Dalek: I obey!

Davros: Wait! I have yet to agree to this!

Emperor Dalek: You do not wish to co-operate?

Davros: You know what I want!

Emperor Dalek: Very well, in that case you can play another game while you rethink your position! How about Wipeout?

Davros: No! Please! No more games! I will do as you ask!

Emperor Dalek: You will obey me?

Davros: (quietly) yes…

Emperor Dalek: Sorry… didn't catch that!

Davros: YES! I WILL OBEY!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Run along now!

Doors slide open, Sulky Dalek klunks into the Daleks still waiting outside.

Sulky Dalek: My passageway is blocked I cannot pass! My passageway is blocked I cannot pass! My passageway is blocked I cannot pass!

Emperor Dalek: (interrupts) USE THE OTHER DOOR!

Door slides shut.

Sulky Dalek: Okay! I just want you to know that I wont let you down!

Emperor Dalek: Good!

Sulky Dalek: That I am grateful to be selected for such an important mission!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent!

Sulky Dalek: And that whatever happens you can rely on me 100 percent!

Emperor Dalek: Fab! Now get going!

Sulky Dalek: I obey!

Pause

Sulky Dalek: I wont let you down!

Emperor Dalek: OUT! NOW!

Door slides open and shut as the sulky Dalek and Davros leave.

Pause

Emperor Dalek: And so to The Marine Dalek…Right you lot you can come in now!


	7. Sort Of Greeney Bluey!

A corridor somewhere in The Dalek ship.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek is moving down the corridor, bucket of water clunking away (The bucket hangs over his gun.) His spray paint arm attachment has been adapted, i.e. one end of the hose is in the bucket of soapy water.

He stops.

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: ELEVATE!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek elevates, and hovers, sound of water spray hitting a window.

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Activate shammy!

Clicking sound as the spray hose retracts.

Pause.

Sound of a squeaky shammy rubbing against a window.

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: So! This is the Marine Dalek?

Dalek: Yes!

Emperor Dalek: Why was the Marine Dalek commissioned?

Dalek 1: The human test subject requested a position as a Marine Dalek!

Dalek 2: He used to be a diver…

Emperor Dalek: He wanted to be converted?

Dalek 1: Correct!

Dalek 2: He asked us to "Dalek him up!"

Emperor Dalek: He did not show fear?

Dalek 1: No!

Emperor Dalek: And you altered the processing just to suit this human?

Dalek 1: Yes!

Emperor Dalek: You disobeyed my order!

Dalek 1: We used our initiative!

Emperor Dalek: Hmmm…. Who was this human?

Dalek 1: He called himself Peter!

Dalek 2: With a "P"!

Emperor Dalek: The Big Brother Contestant?

Dalek 1: Correct!

Emperor Dalek: The one who upset all his housemates, because he told them how much he looked forward to the evictions? That he enjoyed watching his fellow housemates get vaporised?

Dalek 1: We believe so!

Dalek 2: We are soldiers we do not watch television!

Emperor Dalek: Of course! And neither do I! The broadcasts are monitored for security purposes…Was he the one that made Lynda with a "Y" cry?

Dalek 1: Security surveillance revealed this was because she was nearly evicted in week six and he told her "better luck next time!"

Emperor Dalek: I liked him… He was amusing! Tell me how many Marine Daleks do we presently have in our ranks?

Dalek: Including this one?

Emperor Dalek: Yes!

Pause

Dalek: One!

Emperor Dalek: Only one?

Dalek: Marine Daleks have always been very underrepresented!

Emperor Dalek: I will speak with this Marine Dalek!

Dalek 1: He has taken a vow of silence!

Emperor Dalek: A what?

Dalek 1: A vow of silence in protest at the Blingy gold colour of his casing!

Emperor Dalek: All Daleks are to be made Blingy Gold, I have ordered it thus!

Dalek: Traditionally Marine Daleks have always been coloured to blend into an aquatic environment! The colour of choice is Aquamarine!

Another Dalek: Sort of greeny bluey !

Emperor Dalek: I see

Dalek: Except during the invasion of the star system known as Fluffy Alpha seven!

Emperor Dalek: Ahhh yes! The sea was pink!

Dalek: What do you wish to be done with this Marine Dalek?

Emperor Dalek: I will think about it!

Dalek: And the Daleks who initiated the conversion?

Emperor Dalek: They disobeyed my order; there is only one punishment for that! And yet they showed initiative! Take them into holding whilst I ponder their fate!

Dalek: And The Marine Dalek?

Emperor Dalek: Let me see, where do YOU think we should keep a Dalek that has been bred to withstand aquatic conditions?

Pause

Dalek: I do not know!

Emperor Dalek: Did you attend the initiative course?

Dalek: Yes!

Emperor Dalek: And the team bonding workshop?

Dalek: It was compulsory!

Emperor Dalek: Show me your certificate!

Dalek: Retrieving Certificate, (whirrs and clicks)

Emperor Dalek: Hold it just there!

Exterminate sound!

Emperor Dalek: There I have destroyed your certificate!

Dalek: I do not understand! I answered the questions in the Team Bonding Workshop! I caught the ball! You said my roleplay skills were excellent!

Emperor Dalek: Yet you cannot answer my question! Anyone else care to hazard a guess?

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Anyone?

Dalek 1: If I may Emperor, we planned to store The Marine Dalek in the swimming pool!

Emperor Dalek: The pool?

Dalek 1: Yes!

Emperor Dalek: My pool?

Dalek 1: Correct!

Emperor Dalek: The one reserved for my exclusive use!

Dalek 1: Would it be better if I just started saying no at this point?

Pause

Emperor Dalek: You are correct! It is the only possible place we can shove him in at present! See if there are any bits of coral or seashells lying around to bung in the pool as well, make it seem more like a typical ocean!

Another Dalek: I'm sure we can find some oil drums, tyres and broken bottles to put in there too!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! I shall leave it to you!

The Laboratory.

Sulky Dalek: I have been instructed to provide you with any necessary materials for the building of a time travel device.

Davros: Excellent! I have a list!

Sulky Dalek : Proceed!

Davros: I need two large mirrors, preferably coated with orthopositronium, if not I'll need a tin of orthopositronium paint, but make sure it's vinyl and not gloss! I will require some temporal stabilisers, four will suffice, and a large clock, ideally Sub Atomic or Berylium, if not we will have to make do with Swiss Cuckoo! Also get some jump leads a couple of double A batteries, preferably long life, and some Positron linkage leads!

Sulky Dalek: You will not be allowed Positron access!

Davros: If I am to successfully navigate you through the time vortex to the correct time and place I will need to be linked to the ships flight systems via positronic linkage! Otherwise you could end up absolutely anywhere!

Sulky Dalek: A Pilot Navigator Dalek will be assigned to this duty!

Davros: IT WILL NOT WORK! The Time corridor can only be controlled by a navigator who is imbued with Chronons, and one can only be exposed to Chronons if like me, one has recently travelled through time!

Pause.

Sulky Dalek: So we're stuffed then!

Davros: You need me!

Sulky Dalek: Anything else you require?

Davros: just one thing more…

Sulky Dalek: proceed!

Davros: I rather fancy a cuppa! Put the kettle on bitch!


	8. Resistance Is Futile!

The Holding Cell.

Sounds of rummaging around, pots clanking, things being shuffled etc.

Grey Dalek 1: Seek Locate! Seek Locate! Seek Locate!

Grey Dalek 2: (interrupts) Must you keep doing that?

Grey Dalek 1: We are searching! We must retrieve the objective!

Grey Dalek 2: I am searching! YOU! are starting to get on my bumps!

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: Shall I search over here?

Grey Dalek 2: I already looked!

Grey Dalek 1: What about over here?

Grey Dalek 2: ITS NOT THERE!

Grey Dalek 1: Okay, Okay…

Pause.

Sounds of klunking and shuffling.

Grey Dalek 1: Fancy another game of Eye Spy?

Grey Dalek 2: Objective has been located! Objective has been located! Objective has been located!

Grey Dalek 1: (interrupts) So you found it then!

Sound of sucker plunger picking up a paint can.

Grey Dalek 2: Objective has been retrieved!

Grey Dalek 1: This is Aquamarine?

Grey Dalek 2: Yes!

Grey Dalek 1: What's it look like?

Pops paint lid.

Grey Dalek 2: Sort of greeny bluey !

Doors slide open.

Grey Dalek 1: Reseal the lid!

Paint lid shuts.

The two Blingy Gold Daleks responsible for creating the Marine Dalek enter.

Other Dalek: Enter the holding cell! You will both remain here under…

Pause.

Other Dalek: What are you doing here?

Grey Dalek 1: We have located the Aquamarine paint for The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Dalek 1: That was quick! Has the order been given to respray?

Grey Dalek 1: Unknown!

Grey Dalek 2: We do not question orders!

Other Dalek: Transport The Objective to the Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Grey Daleks : We obey!

Grey Dalek 1: (quietly) Quickly before they realise their mistake!

Doors shut.

Pause.

Other Dalek: You will remain here by order of The Emperor Dalek!

Doors open and shut.

Dalek 1: (sarcastically) We do not question orders!

Dalek 2: Did you observe anything strange?

Dalek 1: Explainnn!

Dalek 2: Those Daleks are still grey!

Dalek 1: Probably run out of paint again!

Pause.

Dalek 2: Fancy a game of Eye Spy?

Dalek 1: Try it and you will be exterminated!

The Laboratory.

Clock ticking sound.

Davros: It will have to do! I have finished the adjustments Dalek are you ready?

Sulky Dalek: I…Yesss! I am ready!

Davros: Are you afraid Dalek?

Sulky Dalek: Daleks do not know fear!

Davros: I see! So that would be oil leaking from your base then?

Pause

Door slides open.

Auxilary Dalek enters.

Auxilary Dalek: Auxilary Dalek Reporting for duty!

Davros: You are to assist me in the Time transfer!

Auxilary Dalek: Correct! Auxilary Dalek confirming!

Davros: Very well… take up position over there!

Auxilary Dalek: Auxilary Dalek TAKING POSITIONNNN!

Sulky Dalek: Don't worry it's just his way!

Davros: I see…

Cuckoo sounds.

Davros: It is time! Stand before the mirror!

Sulky Dalek: I obey!

Davros: Activate temporal stabilisers!

Hum of power getting louder. Ticking getting louder.

Auxilary Dalek: TEMPORAL STABILISERS ACTIVATEDDDDD!

Davros: Activating the positron link!

Auxilary Dalek: POSITRON LINK ACTIVATEDDDD!

Davros: I am tuning the mirrors!

Auxilary Dalek: MIRRORS BEING TUNNNEEEDDDDD!

Davros: Is that really necessary?

Auxilary Dalek: It is my function!

Davros: Very well…Activate the portal!

Auxilary Dalek: PORTAL ACTIVATEDDDD!

Vortex sound.

Davros: Dalek you will enter the portal on my signal!

Auxilary Dalek: SIGNAL PENDINGGGG!

Davros: IT IS NOT NECESSARY FOR YOU TO SAY THAT!

Sulky Dalek: What is the signal?

Davros: I will say the word "now"!

Sulky Dalek: Now?

Davros: NOT NOW! WHEN I GIVE THE WORD!

Sulky Dalek: Now is not the signal? What is the word?

Davros: Alert me when Portal access is at maximum acceptance point!

Pause

Auxilary Dalek: PORTAL ACCESS AT MAXIMUM ACCEPTANCE POINT!

Davros: Now!

Pause.

Davros: That was the word now move!

Sulky Dalek: Make up your mind!

Davros: Go now! GO! Go! Go!

Sulky Dalek: I… AM… AFRAIIDDDDDD! (fades off as he travels through the portal)

Davros: Dalek can you hear me?

Static.

Sulky Dalek: (through a communicator) Yessss! I can see so many events, happenings all around me! There is something else in the corridor!

Davros: Identify ! Identify! Dalek….

Static.

Davros: Dalek?

The Vortex.

A metallic human looking figure with jug handles sticking out of its head is floating in the vortex.

Sulky Dalek: Remain where you are Identify yourself! You are a prisoner of The Daleks!

Cyberman: No you are a prisoner of The Cybermen! Resistance is futile!

Sulky Dalek: No you are a prisoner of The Daleks do not move!

Cyberman: Think you can stop me?

Sulky Dalek: Don't push me jug head!

Exterminate sound.

Cyberman: Is that the best you can do?

Cyberman Gun sound.

Sulky Dalek: You've broken one of my bumps!

Cyberman: Resistance is…. Do not point that plunger at me!

Sulky Dalek: Engage!

Sucking sound.

Cyberman (voice muffled) Release me!

Sulky Dalek: Retract!

Sound of metal wrenching free.

Static.

Davros (via communicator) Dalek we are picking up signs of an extraneous foreign object on the end of your plunger! Identify the source please.

Sulky Dalek: It is the head of a Cyberman!

Cyberman: This is not over yet!

Sulky Dalek: You are still alive?

Cyberman: My cyber cortical functions remain intact Dalek! Not even decapitation can destroy me!

Davros: Disengage now! I sense power building to critical mass.

Cyberman: DIE!

Sound of a power surge. Sulky Dalek screams.

Sulky Dalek: I am on fire! Disengage! Disengage!

Cyberman screams as it fades away into the vortex.

Sulky Dalek: Emergency! Emergency!

The Laboratory.

Davros: The Temporal Nexus point is in sight!

Sulky Dalek: (via communicator) I am on fire!

Davros: Oh get over it! Your armour will absorb most of the damage!

Sulky Dalek: (via communicator) But it's hot in here!

Auxilary Dalek: Cyber remains detected entering time stream Earth year 1975 location London…

Davros: (interrupts) That's three years from our nexus point! Stand by Dalek!

Auxilary Dalek: The Emperor has requested a report, opening communications!

Dalek Emperor (via communicator) REPOOORRRTTTT!

The lair of The Dalek Emperor.

Davros: (via communicator) The Dalek is almost in position.

Dalek Emperor: Excellent! Proceed as planned!

Davros: (via communicator) Oh may I carry on now? Thank you so much!

Pause.

Dalek Emperor: He's getting lippy again!

The Vortex.

Sulky Dalek: Aaaagggghhhhhhhhh!

Followed by sounds of the Dalek trying to blow out the fire.

Sulky Dalek: Temporal Nexus point ahead! Entering Nowwww! (fades away).

The Laboratory.

Davros: The Dalek has successfully entered the time zone!

Auxilary Dalek: DALEK SOLDIER IS IN PLACE!

Pause.

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) Excellent! Exterminate Davros!

Davros: Ahh, Time I was leaving now, sorry I can't wave, no arms! Bye!

Auxilary Dalek: Davros has entered the portal!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) Shut it down!

Auxilary Dalek: Unable to comply!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) Explain!

Auxilary Dalek: The positronic link to Davros must be disabled!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) Very well disable the positronic link!

Auxilary Dalek: The positronic link to Davros can only be disabled when the user is this side of the portal!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) And Davros is in the time vortex? On the other side!

Auxilary Dalek: Correct!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) Send a Dalek in to capture Davros!

Auxilary Dalek: They will be unable to navigate the vortex without help from Davros!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) Kruk! So nothing can get in?

Auxilary Dalek: Correct! But absolutely anything could come out!


	9. The Grey And The Gold

A Corridor.

Grey Dalek 1: We must locate The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Grey Dalek 2: The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek must spray paint us Blingy Gold!

Grey Dalek 1: In exchange for the tin of aquamarine paint! SEEK LOCATE! SEEK LOCATE!….

Grey Dalek 2: (interrupts) DON'T START THAT AGAIN!

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: Sorry…

Doors opening can be heard in the distance.

Grey Dalek 1: Alert! Auxiliary Dalek approaching!

Grey Dalek 2: Quick! Hide in here!

Doors slide open and shut.

Auxiliary Dalek: AUXILIARY DALEK RETURNING TO DUTIES!

Doors slide open.

Auxiliary Dalek: AUXILIARY DALEK IN POSITIONNNN!

Pause

Auxiliary Dalek: What are you doing here? AUXILIARY DALEK INTERROGATING GREY DALEKS!

Grey Dalek 1: We seek The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek! DALEK UNIT RESPONDING TO AUXILIARY DALEKS QUESTION!

Auxiliary Dalek: There is no need for that!

Grey Dalek 1: Whyyy? You do it all the time! You are requested to press a button and it's "Auxiliary Dalek pressing buttonnnn nowwww!"

Grey Dalek 2: Auxiliary Dalek on the Bridge! Auxiliary Dalek leaving the bridge! Auxiliary Dalek pulling a lever! Auxiliary Dalek This! Auxiliary Dalek That!

Grey Dalek 1: Auxiliary Dalek! No one gives a toss!

Auxiliary Dalek: IT IS PART OF MY FUNCTION! I am an assistance unit! When assisting in ship navigation I have to confirm that my instructions have been carried out! So that the Engineering Daleks know what to do next! It is the same when assisting Laboratory experimentation!

Pause.

Auxiliary Dalek: At all other times I…I… just can't seem to stop myself…

Grey Dalek 1: Auxiliary Dalek in moment of self reflectionnnn!

Pause

Auxiliary Dalek: YOU ARE TRYING TO DISTRACT ME! YOU WERE DETAINED BY ORDER OF THE EMPEROR! YOU DISOBEYED THE ORDER, YOU ARE STILL GREY AND NOT BLINGY GOLD!

Grey Dalek 1: We have been released!

Auxiliary Dalek: I WAS NOT INFORMED!

Grey Dalek 1: Are you questioning the Emperor's orders?

Auxiliary Dalek: No!

Grey Dalek 2: You are to obey your orders!

Grey Dalek 1: Without question!

Grey Daleks 2: But stating the bleeding obvious is still permissible!

Grey Daleks: Obey! Obey! OBEYYYYY!

Pause

Auxiliary Dalek: (quietly) I obey…

Grey Dalek 1: We have our eyestalks on you!

Grey Dalek 2: Consider yourself warned!

Grey Dalek 1: We cannot delay! We must proceed with our objective!

Doors slide open and shut.

Pause.

Grey Dalek 1: That was close!

Grey Dalek 2: Where now?

Grey Dalek 1: The Emperor's pool! The Marine Dalek will be held there!

Back inside.

Auxiliary Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek opening communications with Emperor Dalek!

Sounds of buttons being pressed.

Auxiliary Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek reporting to Emperor Dalek!

Emperor Dalek: (via communicator) NOT NOW!….I AM BUSY!

The Lair Of the Emperor Dalek

Sound of TV The Emperor Dalek is watching Bullseye.

Emperor Dalek: I do not wish to be disturbed!

Bowendroid: You've been a great contestant, hasn't he folks? But you don't go away empty handed on Bullseye oh no! You scored double Bullseye's by hitting all your opponents vital organs that means you win Bully's special prize!

Cheers and applause.

Dalek Emperor: I like this bit…

Bowendroid: This week Bully's special prize is a dart in the eye!

Stab squelch noise followed by an agonised scream.

Bowendroid: There we go Great! Smashing! Super! Join us tomorrow for another edition of Bullseye! See you then!

Click sound as the TV is switched off.

Emperor Dalek: That was very moving, If I were an inferior more emotional being I might even cry!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Well? Didn't someone want to report?

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Reporrrttt!

Dalek: er…The Marine Dalek has been placed in the pool!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Does he like it?

Dalek: Unknown! The Marine Dalek is still refusing to speak!

Emperor Dalek: Is he swimming?

Dalek: No!

Emperor Dalek: Not even a little paddle?

Dalek: No!

Emperor Dalek: Where is The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek?

Dalek: He is cleaning the windows!

Emperor Dalek: Do we not have slaves for that?

Dalek: They were exterminated!

Emperor Dalek: Ahhh yes! Missed a spot! Well tell The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek to stop! My daily assessment of the Game Station program output, for the purposes of security and not entertainment, has put me in an agreeable mood! I therefore grant The Marine Dalek's wish to be spray painted Aquamarine! Communicate this to The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Dalek: I obey!

Doors slide open and shut.

The Emperor's pool.

Sounds of water lapping.

Grey Dalek 1: Marine Dalek located!

Grey Dalek 2: Where is The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek?

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: Respond! Where is The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek?

Pause

Grey Dalek 2: We have the aquamarine paint!

Pause

Marine Dalek: You have my paint?

Grey Dalek 1: Correcccttt!

Grey Dalek 2: We seek The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, he is in charge of all paint spraying!

Marine Dalek: And he will paint me?

Grey Dalek 1: Yes!

Marine Dalek: Aquamarine?

Grey Dalek 1: Yes! Do you know where he is?

Marine Dalek: No!

Pause

Grey Dalek 2: Now what?

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: I'm thinking!

Pause

Grey Dalek 2: If we do not find The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek soon we shall be caught and exterminated!

Grey Dalek 1: There is another way!

Grey Dalek 2: Explainnnn!

Grey Dalek 1: The laboratory has Blingy Gold casings ready to house new Daleks!

Grey Dalek 2: You mean we could swap our casings?

Grey Dalek 1: Correccttt! Bring the Aquamarine paint!

Marine Dalek: No! My paiiinnnttttt bring it backkkkk! (sound bubbles away)

The Holding Cell.

Dalek 1: We could blast our way out!

Dalek 2: Where would we go?

Pause

Dalek 1: Sensor detects Dalek approaching with unidentified object!

Doors slide open

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek enters.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: YOU!….YOU ARE NOW BLINGY GOLD!

Dalek 1: Correcttt!… and you are The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Dalek 2: Carrying a bucket!

Dalek 1: What is your point?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Nice paint job…It seems you do not require my help… has the Aquamarine paint been located?

Dalek 1: You do not have the paint?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: DO NOT PLAY GAMES WITH ME! You disobeyed The Emperor! Nothing can change that fact, not even a paintspray!

Dalek 1: I do not understand!

Dalek 2: I sense a miscommunication!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: There is no miscommunication! You must find the Aquamarine paint or you will be exterminated! It will not matter if you are grey or Blingy Gold!

Doors open and close.

Dalek 1: The Grey Daleks took the paint!

Dalek 2: Correct!

Dalek 1: They have not completed their orders and located The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, the paint is still in their posession!

Dalek 2: We must escape! We must locate The Grey Daleks! Exterminate them and retrieve the paint!

Dalek 1: Take up Positions either side of the door!

Pause

Dalek 1: Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek! We have the paint!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: (from outside) You do?

Dalek 1: Correct!

Pause

Doors slide open.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Where is my paint?

Dalek 1: Quick run !

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: No you cannot lock me in!

Doors Shut

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Activate welding arc!

Flame sound.

Outside.

Dalek 2: Now what?

Dalek 1: We must locate The Grey Daleks! And retrieve the paint, and then we will be redeemmmedddd!

Dalek 2: How were The Grey Daleks redeemed? They disobeyed The Emperor's order; they were not spray painted Blingy Gold!

Dalek 1: That's it! That is where they will be now! In the Laboratory swapping their grey casings for Blingy Gold!

Dalek 2: We must go to the Laboratory! SEEK LOCATE! SEEK LOCATE!

The Laboratory.

Doors open and close

Grey Dalek 1: Did you hide the paint?

Grey Dalek 2: Yesss! No one will find it!

Grey Dalek 1: There are only two Blingy Gold casings left we must transfer ourselves now.

Grey dalek 2: Activating casings upgrade program!

Sounds of levers clicks buttons as the grey Daleks are lifted out of their casing's and placed in Blingy Gold casings.

The Grey daleks are no longer grey but for the purposes of keeping the narrative clear they will still be referred to as "The Grey Daleks."

Grey Dalek 1: What shall we do with our old casings?

Grey Dalek 2: Destroy them! Make it appear as if we are dead!

Grey Dalek 1: Motion sensors detect two Daleks approaching the Laboratory!

Grey Dalek 2: We must hide, let us leave by the back door!

Doors slide open and shut.

Pause.

Doors slide open and shut.

Dalek 1: The Grey Daleks are here! Do not move or you will be Exterminated!

Dalek 2: They are not moving!

Dalek 1: Good, I told them not to!

Dalek 2: They are not moving because the Grey casings are empty!

Dalek 1: Oh kruk!

Corridor.

Sounds of welding, it stops.

A clunk as a large metal door falls onto the floor.

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: ALERT! ALERT! EMERGENCY! GREY DALEKS HAVE ESCAPED! THEY HAVE RESPRAYED THEMSELVES BLINGY GOLD! ALERT ALL DALEKS! ALERT ALL DALEKS!

Another part of the corridor.

Grey Dalek 1: Oh no we are doomed!

The Laboratory.

Dalek 1: Did you hear that?

Dalek 2: The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek believes that we are The Grey Daleks spray painted Blingy Gold! We will be exterminated!

Dalek 1: Quick we must swap casings!

Dalek 2: But there are only Grey Casings left!

Dalek 1: Correccctttt! Daleks are no longer seeking The Grey Dalek casings they are seeking Blingy Gold!

Dalek 2: I don't think this is a good idea…

Sounds of levers clicks buttons.

Dalek 1: Too late! I have activated the down grade program!

Dalek 2: NOOOOO!


	10. Carry On Daleks!

Authors note: -

Okay just to recap, The Grey Daleks are now in Blingy Gold casings, but I'm still calling them The Grey Daleks.

Daleks 1 and 2 who were responsible for creating The Marine Dalek, are now inside The Grey Daleks old casings, they are still called Dalek 1 and 2.

No names have been changed or altered in this story; the innocent will NOT be protected!

A Corridor.

Alarms going off in the background.

Grey Dalek 1: Quick we must keep moving!

Klunk as the Daleks bang into each other.

Grey Dalek 1: Can't you steer that thing straight?

Grey Dalek 2: The controls are slightly different!

Klunking sound again.

Grey Dalek 1: You will need to re-sit your test!

Grey Dalek 2: Daleks approaching!

Daleks can be heard in the distance chanting "Seek Locate! Seek Locate! Seek Locate!"

Grey Dalek 1: It's all over; we will be located and exterminated!

Grey Dalek 2: I just want you to know… I…I have always loved you!

Pause

Grey Dalek 2: Well? Say something! SPEEEAAAAK!

Grey Dalek 1: Kill me now!

Daleks appear at the end of the corridor.

Other Daleks: DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOOOVVVVEEEE!

Pause

Other Daleks: YOU ARE PRISONERS OF THE DALEKS!

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: You are supposed to finish by saying do not move in a conclusive tone!

Grey Dalek 2: Like this! DO NOT MMMOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!

Grey Dalek 1: Like that!

Grey Dalek 2: Do you want to try againnn?

OTHER DALEK: (just one of them) YOU WILL REMAIN SILENT! YOU ARE PRISONERS YOU DO NOT GIVE ORDERS!

Other Dalek 2: You will remain here for positive identification from The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek!

Other Dalek 3: IF YOU MOVE YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!

The Laboratory.

Dalek 1: Downgrade has been completed!

Dalek 2: I CANNOT MOOOVVVEEEE!

Dalek 1: Explaiiinnn!

Dalek 2: These Grey casings are smaller!

Dalek 1: I said you put on weight! You will just have to breathe in!

Dalek 2: What do we do now?

Dalek 1: We must destroy our empty Blingy Gold casings! We shall tell The Emperor that we located the rogue Daleks and exterminated them!

Dalek 2: There are a million flaws with that plan!

Dalek 1: EXXTERMINAAATTTEEEE!

Dalek death ray sound followed by explosion.

Dalek 2: That was mine!

The corridor.

Other Dalek: The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek is approaching!

Other Dalek 2: The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek will identify the rogue Daleks…

Other Daleks: (Together) AND THEN YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATTTEEEEDDDD!

Grey Dalek 1: Daleks do not fear death!

Grey Dalek 2: Can we hold plungers?

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: Okay.

Sucking sound as plungers join.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek arrives.

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek reporting for duty!

Other Dalek: You will make positive identification on these rogue Daleks!

Pause

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Unable to comply…

Other Dalek: Exxpppllaaiiinnnn!

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: The barcodes on these Daleks do not match those of The Blingy Gold Daleks that were in my storeroom!

Emperor Dalek: (over tannoy) ALL DALEKS TO THE MAIN LABORATORY! SENSORS DETECT WEAPONS FIRED IN MAIN LABORATORY! ALL DALEKS TO THE MAIN LABORATORY!

Other Daleks: Seek Locate! Seek Locate! Seek Locate! (fades away as they move off.)

Plunger sucking sound as The Grey Daleks pull away from each other.

Grey Dalek 1: That was close!

Grey Dalek 2: We must go to The Laboratory, try and blend in!

Grey Dalek 1: Correeccctttt!

Klunking sound

Grey Dalek 1: AND STOP TRYING TO FEEL MY BUMPS!

Grey Dalek 2: Honestly, It's the controlsss!

The Laboratory.

Dalek 1: Daleks approaching!

Dalek 2: We must escape!

Klunking sound.

Dalek 2: Sorry, it's the controlsss!

Doors slide open, Other Daleks and Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek enter.

Other Daleks: DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOOOVVVVEEEE!

Other Dalek 2: YOU ARE PRISONERS OF THE DALEKS!

Other Dalek 3: I wanted to say that!

Other Dalek: You say the next bit!

Other Dalek 3: What bit is that?

Other Dalek 2: DO NOT MMMOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!

Other Dalek 3: That was my line!

Other Dalek 2: Too late bitch! Use it or lose it!

Other Dalek 3: Oh is that how it is?

Other Dalek: SILENCE!

Pause

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: These are the Grey Daleks!

Other Dalek: Correccttt!

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I am confused!

Other Dalek 3: Explaiinnnnn!

Other Dalek: That was my line!

Other Dalek 3: Well apparently it's use it or lose it round here!

Other Dalek: I will deal with you later! Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek you will explain!

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: The Grey Daleks re-sprayed themselves Blingy Gold, the barcodes on those destroyed Blingy Gold Daleks match those on the casings of The Daleks we were seeking!

Other Dalek: The prisoners will explain!

Dalek 2: Look what you have done now!

Dalek 1: Silence! I will explain!

Dalek 2: This had better be good!

Dalek 1: The Grey Daleks disabled our mobility sensors, and stole our casings!

Pause

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Where is the Aquamarine paint?

Dalek 2: er… The Grey Daleks hid it!

Other Dalek: Why are you wearing their old casings? The Emperor's orders are that all Daleks should be Blingy Gold!

Dalek 1: There are no other casings! We had no option! We pursued the rogue Daleks in an attempt to retrieve the paint and… and…

Dalek 2: And they chose to die rather than reveal its location!

Pause

Other Dalek: What do you think?

Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: It's a bucket of kruk! Take them to the Emperor!

Other Dalek: You will be taken to the Emperor for judgement! MOVVEEEE!

Dalek 1: Well it was nice knowing you!

Klunk!

Dalek 1: And look where your going!


	11. Team Work!

The Corridor.

Grey Dalek 1: Hurry we must return to the laboratory!

Klunking sound.

Grey Dalek 1: It's this way!

Grey Dalek 2: Oh okay!

Grey Dalek 1: Halt! They are returning!

Grey Dalek 2: QUICK! Let's hide in here!

Doors slide open.

Klunk!

Dalek 1: Try again!

Klunk!

Dalek 1: Get in there now or I will exterminate you!

Dalek 2: Okay okay!

Pause.

Doors slide shut.

Sound of Daleks moving along the corridor.

Dalek 1: Leave all the talking to me!

Dalek 2: Yes because so far that has done us no end of good!

Klunk!

Dalek 1: Do you have any better ideas?

Dalek 2: No you carry on, why stop now? Just when I'm hating it!

Klunk!

Other Dalek: KEEP MOVING!

Other Dalek 2: DO NOT TALLKKKK!

Pause.

Doors slide open.

Grey Dalek 1: Those Daleks are inside our old casings!

Grey Dalek 2: They are being escorted to The Emperor!

Grey Dalek 1: Why? Why are they wearing our old casings?

Grey Dalek 2: Do not question! Let us retrieve The Aquamarine paint our redemption draws near!

The Lair Of the Emperor Dalek.

Daleks 1 and 2, (in the Grey casings) The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, and the other Daleks are all assembled before the Emperor.

Emperor Dalek: I ordered these Daleks to be detained! There Greyness offends me!

Other Dalek: These Grey Daleks are not those Grey Daleks!

Emperor Dalek: They're not?

Other Dalek: No! These Grey Daleks are the Blingy Gold Daleks who created the Marine Dalek!

Emperor Dalek: I must be missing something here, but unless my eyestalk is deceiving me these Daleks are definitely Grey!

Dalek 1: The Grey Daleks stole our Blingy Gold casings! And the Aquamarine paint!

Dalek 2: We were immobilised!

Dalek 1: We housed ourselves in these discarded Grey casings to pursue the rogue Daleks and recover the paint!

Emperor Dalek: So let me get this straight… These Grey Daleks claim that they are not the real Grey Daleks!

Other Dalek: Correccctttt!

Emperor Dalek: And according to these Grey Daleks and The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, the real Grey Daleks are now Blingy Gold!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Correct Emperor! I assumed they had spray painted their own casings!

Emperor Dalek: I see…And yet here are the Grey Casings, so that must be incorrect!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Yessss! I have failed…

Emperor Dalek: No! Your attempts to recover the Aquamarine paint showed initiative, lovely job on the windows by the way!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Thank you Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: So where is the Aquamarine paint?

Dalek 1: Unknown the rogue Daleks have hidden the paint!

Dalek 2: We interrogated the rogue Daleks! They chose to die rather than divulge the paints location.

Emperor Dalek: In the Laboratory The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek identified the smoking remains of the Blingy Gold cases by their barcodes correct?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Correct!

Other Dalek: The barcodes are a match for The Daleks responsible for the creation of The Marine Dalek!

Emperor Dalek: Hmmm…This would seem to lend weight to their story!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Grey Daleks that aren't really Grey Daleks, explain something to me!

Dalek 1: Whatever my Emperor demands!

Emperor Dalek: You claim to have been immobilised by these Grey Daleks. That they overpowered you, stole your lovely new shiny Blingy Gold casings, and made their escape !

Dalek 1: Correct!

Emperor Dalek: And you claim to have climbed into their Grey casings and pursued them!

Dalek 1: Correct!

Emperor Dalek: And yet The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek found two Blingy Gold Daleks locked inside the storeroom! Where were you?

Dalek 2: That was us…

Dalek 1: (Interupting) He means that was after the escape!

Emperor Dalek: After the escape?

Dalek 1: Correct! They doubled back!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Very cunning. But you eventually caught up with them in The Laboratory, and destroyed both the rogue Daleks and your lovely new shiny Blingy Gold casings!

Dalek 1: Correct!

Emperor Dalek: What were they doing in the Laboratory?

Dalek 1: They were um…

Emperor Dalek: They were what?

Dalek 1: um…

Dalek 2: We believe that is where they hid the paint!

Dalek 1: Yes! Correccctttt!

Doors slide open.

The Grey Daleks enter, (they are still in Blingy Gold casings!)

Emperor Dalek: What is the meaning of this interruption?

Grey Dalek 1: We have recovered the Aquamarine paint!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Summon the Marine Dalek! The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek shall spray him at once!

Other Dalek: I obey! (to Other Dalek 2) You will accompany me!

Other Dalek 2: I obey!

Emperor Dalek: That's what I like to see, team work!

Doors slide open and shut.

The Corridor.

Other Dalek: This is now going too far!

Other Dalek 2: Are you afraid?

Other Dalek: Daleks do not show fear! I have no reason to be afraid!

Other Dalek 2: But it was you who released the Grey Daleks from detention! This is all your fault!

Other Dalek: The Grey Daleks said that they had orders to locate the Aquamarine paint for The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek! I ordered them to transport The Aquamarine paint to the Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek! They lied! They tricked meeee!

Other Dalek 2: That is not how The Emperor will see it!

Other Dalek: The Blingy Gold Daleks with the paint must be The Grey Daleks in disguise!

Other Dalek 2: It is very probable!

Other Dalek: We must exterminate them before The Emperor learns of my error!

Other Dalek 2: We? WEEE? There is no we in this equation! You are on your own Bitch!

The Lair Of the Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: You may approach me Daleks! Congratulations on finding the paint!

Grey Daleks: Thank you Emperor!

Klunk!

Grey Dalek 1: After you!

Grey Dalek 2: No you first!

Emperor Dalek: HURRY UP!

Klunk!

Emperor Dalek: That I suppose is close enough! Tell me all about your efforts to locate the Aquamarine paint, was it a team effort?

Grey Dalek 1: Yes! I did the actual searching!

Grey Dalek 2: Whilst I did all the "Seek Locate's!"

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! And where was the paint found?

Grey Dalek 1: In a disused room by the supreme bulkhead!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Not in The Laboratory?

Grey Dalek 1: No!

Emperor Dalek: I sense someone is LYING!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Perhaps it would be best to have all four of you exterminated and forgotten about! Well?

Grey Daleks: Emperor we are loyal to you!

Daleks 1 and 2: So are we!

Grey Daleks and Daleks 1 and 2: Worship him! Worship him! Worship him! Worship him!

Emperor Dalek: You need not think that is going to work! Although it did sound good! Take them back to detention! I will decide what to do with them later! Do we have any suicide missions in the outer perimeter?

Other Dalek 3: Not at present Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Hmmm… Very well escort these Daleks to detention!

Other Dalek 3: Emperor, I cannot escort four Daleks on my own!

Emperor Dalek: Why not?

Other Dalek 3: I am out numbered! It contravenes The Skaro Health And Safety Act !

Emperor Dalek: So did nuking the Thals! What's your point?

Other Dalek 3: I need more Daleks to assist me in my task!

Dalek Emperor: You will escort them alone! If they give you any Kruk Exterminate them! Prisoner Daleks! If this Dalek does not escort you to detention you have my order to Exterminate him! Off you go!

Grey Daleks and Daleks 1 and 2: We obey!

Doors slide open and shut.


	12. Elevatttteeee!

The Emperor's pool.

Sounds of water lapping.

Doors slide open and shut. Other Dalek and Other Dalek 1, enter.

Other Dalek: You will accompany us !

Marine Dalek: To where?

Other Dalek 2: The Emperor Dalek requires your presence!

Marine Dalek: Leave me alone surface Daleks, I no longer trust your words, I wish to remain here with nothing but the soft gentle lapping of water for company!

Other Dalek: It is The Emperor's order! You must obey!

Marine Dalek: Where is The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek? I was informed that he was to spray paint me Aquamarine!

Other Dalek 2: The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek is with The Emperor!

Marine Dalek: I no longer trust the words of surface Daleks!

Other Dalek: Wait! Who informed you?

Marine Dalek: Two surface Daleks! They had the Aquamarine paint, and they were grey!

Other Dalek: The Grey Daleks came to you with the paint?

Marine Dalek: And then they took it away! Flaunting their Greyness before me! Why? Why must I be Blingy Gold whilst these surface Daleks are allowed to remain Grey?

Other Dalek: Tell me exactly what happened!

The Corridor

Other Dalek 3: Move along the corridor!

Klunk!

Grey Dalek 2: Watch where you are going! Inferior Grey Machine!

Dalek 2: Me? That was you? And drop the pretence we know you are the real Grey Daleks!

Grey Dalek 1: You are inferior Grey and we are superior Blingy Gold anybody can see that!

Klunk!

Other Dalek 3: Moovvveee!

Dalek 1: You swapped your casings and hid the paint! Then you pretended to find it!

Grey Dalek 1: Assuming that's true…

Grey Dalek 2: And it's not!

Dalek 2: Yes it is!

Grey Dalek 1: Assuming… Then why would two superior Blingy Gold Daleks seek to downgrade themselves by putting themselves in the discarded Grey armour, and destroying their own superior Blingy Gold casings?

Grey Dalek 2: Yes! That took a special degree of insanity!

Grey Dalek 1: Have you ever considered Special Weapons Dalek training?

Other Dalek 3: They are very under represented at the moment!

Grey Dalek 2: And need all the nutters they can get!

Klunk! Klunk! Klunk!

Other Dalek 3: Keep Moving!… please!

Dalek 1: What did you say?

Grey Dalek 2: I called you a nutter!…. Nutter!

Dalek 1: Come here and say that!

Grey Dalek 2: Okay! I will!

Klunk!

Grey Dalek 2: Excuse me!

Grey Dalek 1: This is not a good idea!

Other Dalek 3: Keep moving or I have orders to exterminate you!

Grey Daleks 1 and 2 and Daleks 1 and 2: SHUT IT BITCH!

Pause

Other Dalek 3: Okay, I'll just be over here!

Klunk!

Grey Dalek 2: Move it Grey trash!

Dalek 2: What did you say?

Grey Dalek 2: Let us recap shall we? I called this piece of Grey trash a nutter, and now I'm calling you Grey trash, Grey trash! Now get out of my way!

Dalek 2: Make me!

Dalek 1: Let him come here if he's got the bumps!

Grey Dalek 2: Are you saying that I am afraid?

Dalek 1: Come on then!

Grey Dalek 2: Yeah?

Dalek 1: Yeah!

Grey Dalek 2: Oh yeah?

Dalek 1: Yeah!

Klunk!

Dalek 2: Bang into me one more time bitch and that will be your lot!

Grey Dalek 2: I don't need to, inferior Grey trash observe!

Grey Dalek 1: No! Don't try it you can't even drive straight!

Grey Dalek 2: ELEVATTTEEEE!

Dalek elevating sound !

Grey Dalek 1: Stop! Your going to…

Smashing sound as Grey Dalek 2 hits the ceiling.

Grey Dalek 2: Out of control! Out of control! Out of control! Emergencyyyy!

Klunk!

Grey Dalek 1: Get down now!

Grey Dalek 2: I CAN'T! Out of controllllll!

Klunk!

Doors open and close. The Auxiliary Dalek enters the corridor.

Auxiliary Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek entering corridor… What is going on?

Grey Dalek 2: Out of control! Out of control! Out of control! Emergency! Emergency! Emergencyyyy!

Klunk!

Auxiliary Dalek: Listen to me don't panic! Look at your control panel, can you see a red lever?

Grey Dalek 2: I think so… yesss!

Auxiliary Dalek: Okay pull that!

Grey Dalek 2: Pulling red lever!

Roaring engine sound.

Grey Dalek 2: Aaaaggggghhhhhhhhh! (voice fades)

Klunk sound in the distance!

Auxiliary Dalek: NO THAT'S ORANGE! ORANGE IS REVERSE THRUST!

Other Dalek 3: Can you talk him down?

Auxiliary Dalek: I will try!

Other Dalek 3: The rest of you move now! AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY MORE KRUK ABOUT IT! Okay? I have my orders!

Dalek 1: We cannot move!

Klunk!

Other Dalek 3: Explain!

Dalek 1: Daleks are escorting The Marine Dalek from the other end of the corridor!

Dalek 2: The corridor is blocked!

Other Dalek: You will move! We have orders to escort The Marine Dalek to the Emperor!

Other Dalek 3: Well I have orders to escort these Daleks to detention!

Other Dalek: On your own?

Other Dalek 3: Don't get me started! Those are my orders!

Other Dalek: Then you will all have to elevate and allow us to pass!

Other Dalek 3: NO! BAD IDEA! Can't you lot elevate instead?

Marine Dalek: Marine Daleks do not elevate! We swim!

Pause

(From the other end of the corridor) Klunking sounds,

Auxiliary Dalek can be heard saying, "No! the green switch is only to be flicked after you pull the blue lever!" Another klunking sound.

Other Dalek: What is going on down there?

Other Dalek 3: One of the prisoners has elevated and now he can't get down!

Other Dalek: Hmmm… He is Blingy Gold! He is trying to escape! HE MUST BE EXTERMINATED!

Other Dalek 2: How convenient!

Grey Dalek 1: You will have to get through me first!

Other Dalek: That will not be a problem!

Other Dalek 2: Remember you are on your own in this!

Other Dalek: EXTERMINATE!

Extermination sound effect followed by an explosion.

Grey Dalek 1: Not quick enough!

Dalek 1: That almost hit me!

Other Dalek 2: Well it appears I have been promoted!

Grey Dalek 1: Unless you want to be next move back up the corridor and allow us to pass!

Other Dalek 2: The Emperor shall know of this!

Grey Dalek 1: Am I supposed to give a kruk? MOVVEEEE!

Klunk!

Other Dalek 2: Make me!

Dalek 2: Ooohhh! Smell the testosterone!

There is a whooshing engine sound getting louder, Grey Dalek 2 still elevated, has found forward thrust.

Grey Dalek 2: Aaaaggghhhhhhh! (gets louder)

Auxiliary Dalek: (chasing after) BRAKE! BRAKE!

Skidding noise.

Grey Dalek 2: I'm starting to enjoy this now! Anything interesting happen while I was gone?


	13. FREE PETER with a P!

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Sounds of paintspraying.

Emperor Dalek: Well? Is the paintjob complete?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Almost Emperor!

Spray paint sounds.

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Well Marine Dalek, does this meet with your satisfaction?

Marine Dalek: It does Emperor…But…

Emperor Dalek: But What? Come on Speak up!

Marine Dalek: I need to be in the ocean!

Emperor Dalek: We are in space, there is no ocean! Your place is here with me !

Marine Dalek: I need the sea, the sound of the waves, the feel of saltwater lapping at my bumps, salt, shells, and sand, beneath my castors, I need to be one with the ocean!

Emperor Dalek: But you have exclusive use of my pool!

Marine Dalek: It is not the same!

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Spray painting complete!

Marine Dalek: How long until it dries?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Approximately Ten Rills!

Emperor Dalek: So my exclusive pool is not good enough for you?

Marine Dalek: My function requires that I exist in a Marine environment, without it I am incomplete!

Emperor Dalek: This is why I ceased production on Marine Daleks! They are too much trouble to maintain, and only to be created when required! Where are the Daleks that created this…this… ungrateful abomination!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: You ordered them to be detained!

Emperor Dalek: No! YES! But those orders had to be changed to prevent them all fighting!

Other Dalek 2: The Daleks responsible for the creation of The Marine Dalek are In the Laboratory being upgraded from Grey to Blingy Gold!

Emperor Dalek: Ahhh yes! And the real Grey Daleks?

Other Dalek 2: One is still cleaning up the Smoking Room as per your orders!

Emperor Dalek: And the other?

Other Dalek 2: Still stuck in elevation mode!

Emperor Dalek: He will soon come down when his energy reserves deplete!

Doors slide open. Daleks 1 and 2 enter now back in Blingy Gold casings.

Emperor Dalek: Reporrrtttttt!

Dalek 1: The upgrade is complete!

Dalek 2: We are reporting for further duty!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! You look bright, spangly, and new!

Dalek 1: The Marine Dalek is Aquamarine!

Emperor Dalek: Yes! Doesn't he look magnificent?

Daleks 1 and 2: Yesss!

Dalek 2: That's our boy…all grown up!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: What did you say?

Dalek 2: I..,.I… Don't know where that came from!

Emperor Dalek: Don't say it again! Now listen to me I have a special job for you….

The Smoking Room. It is very smoky; soot covers the walls and floor. Grey Dalek 1 has a mop attachment instead of a sink plunger the mop is slanted downward in order to scrub the floor.

Grey Dalek 2 hovers above him.

Scrubbing sound can be heard.

Grey Dalek 2: You missed a spot!

Grey Dalek 1: Where?

Grey Dalek 2: At three o clock!

The Grey Dalek turns and scrubs.

Grey Dalek 1: I have an idea…

Grey Dalek 2: We are in enough trouble already!

Grey Dalek 1: The time corridor is still active!

Grey Dalek 2: You mean escape?

Grey Dalek 1: If we stay in here longer than 12 parsecs we will die!

Grey Dalek 2: But the time corridor is unstable, we could end up anywhere!

Pause

Grey Dalek 1: Just a thought!

Grey Dalek 2: Well forget it!

Grey Dalek 1: Better than this!

Grey Dalek 2: I said No!

A beach somewhere in the universe, waves can be heard lapping against the shore.

Sounds of a Dalek ship landing. Door opens.

Dalek 1: We are here!

Marine Dalek: the Ocean I can sense it!

Dalek 1: Go on Marine Dalek get going!

Marine Dalek: I shall be one with the ocean at last! Finally! To swim in harmony with the ebb and flow of the tide whilst single-mindedly exterminating all inferior forms of Marine Life!

Dalek 2: I…We… Will miss you Peter with a "P"!

Marine Dalek: Yeah Okay, bye now!

Splashing sounds.

Dalek 1: Look! Watch him go!

Dalek 2: Free at last!

Pause

Dalek 1: Fancy meeting the locals?

Dalek 2: And exterminating them?

Dalek 1: Just a couple of quick ones!

Dalek 2: go on then!

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Doors slide open. The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek enters.

Auxiliary Dalek: Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek to see The Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent Reporrrtttt!

Auxiliary Dalek: The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek is about to make his report!

Emperor Dalek: IT IS NOT NECESSARY FOR YOU TO SAY THAT!

Auxiliary Dalek: Forgive me Emperor!

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I have discovered that by mixing some of our old tins of Grey paint with Aquamarine we can create black paint!

Emperor Dalek: Ahhh! So I can once more have a Black Dalek at my side to keep you lot in order!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Correct Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Well, just make sure that all the bumps are Blingy Gold it will look striking against his magnificent dark sheen!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I obey Emperor! But who is to be promoted?

Auxiliary Dalek: OOOHHH! ME! ME! ME!

Emperor Dalek: I'm not sure, I wouldn't have thought there will be many volunteers….

Auxiliary Dalek: ME! ME! ME!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Not after what happened to the last one in the smoking room…

Auxiliary Dalek: Oh!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek, did you say something?

Auxiliary Dalek: Er…No Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Did you perhaps volunteer yourself for a very responsible position, where you are answerable and accountable only to me?

Auxiliary Dalek: No Emperor! I would not be suitable!

Emperor Dalek: Hmmmm…. Are you sure?

Auxiliary Dalek: I have auxiliary functions, mine is to obey…and let you know that I'm doing it!

Emperor Dalek: But you seemed so keen!

Auxiliary Dalek: Please Emperor I would not be suitable!

Emperor Dalek: What think you, Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Perhaps it should be a more practical Dalek!

Emperor Dalek: Like you? But who would clean all the windows?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I have centuries of experience!

Emperor Dalek: And it shows, you are far too precious a resource to waste on strutting round shouting orders! I shall give the matter some thought!

The Laboratory. The Grey Daleks are by the Time Corridor. Grey Dalek 2 is still Elevated.

Grey Dalek 2: This is a bad idea!

Grey Dalek 1: You said that already! It will be a new start together, just you and me!

Grey Dalek 2: Y-you mean that?

Grey Dalek 1: Yesss!

Grey Dalek 2: You and me together?

Grey Dalek 1: Of course you fool! I love you too!

Klunking sound as Grey Dalek 2 falls out of the air.

Pause.

Grey Dalek 1: Are you in pain?

Grey Dalek 2: It does not matter! Let us enter the corridor now!

Grey Dalek 1: Hold my plunger!

Sucking sounds of plungers merging.

Grey Dalek 1: Ready?

Grey Dalek 2: Yes!

Grey Dalek 1: On three?

Grey Dalek 2: On three or after three?

Grey Dalek 1: Surprise me!

Grey Daleks: One…

Grey Dalek 2: Proceedddd!

Grey Dalek 1: Agghhh!

Sucking vortex sound as The Grey Daleks enter.

Grey Daleks: AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! (Fades away)

Pause

Grey Daleks: (faintly) Whhheeeeeeee!

Pause.

Rumbling sounds from the swirling vortex in the Time corridor.

The swirling vortex burps.

Doors slide open. Auxiliary Dalek enters.

Auxiliary Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek entering the Labo… Oh what's the point? Nobody listens to meeee!

Pause.

More rumbling sounds from the swirling vortex in the Time corridor.

Auxiliary Dalek: Sensors detecting a temporal breach! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! UNIDENTIFIED OBJECT ENTERING TIME CORRIDOR!

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: How about one of the Grey Daleks?

Emperor Dalek: No too stupid… Especially the one who can't drive!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Or one of the Daleks that created the Marine Dalek, at least they showed initiative!

Other Dalek 2: Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: One of them can't seem to drive either… No Davros was right my Daleks retain far too many human qualities!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Perhaps a new Black Dalek should be created!

Other Dalek 2: EMPERRRORRR!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: What?

Other Dalek 2: Auxiliary Dalek is reporting a temporal breach in the time corridor!

Emperor Dalek: And this is important because?

Other Dalek 2: er… Because there is a temporal breach in the time corridor!

Emperor Dalek: I see… well can't it wait?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: A temporal breach is serious Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Can't we just smash the mirrors and switch the machine off?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: That will cause instability! It could generate a black hole in the middle of our Laboratory!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! I've always wanted my own personal one!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: It would destroy us all!

Emperor Dalek: This is why I leave all the science to The Special tools Bunsen Burner Daleks! Can't they deal with this?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: They were all destroyed in the Time War!

Emperor Dalek: put me through to the Laboratory!

Other Dalek 2: I obey!

Pause

Auxiliary Dalek: (over tannoy) ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! UNIDENTIFIED OBJECT ENTERING TIME CORRIDOR! ALERT! ALERT! ALERRRRRRTTTTT!

Emperor Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek what is happening over there?

Auxiliary Dalek: Auxiliary Dalek alerting an unidentified object in the time corridor! ALERT! ALERT! ALERRRRRRTTTTT!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Can anybody tell me if my question has been answered? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Pause

Tardis wheezing sound can be heard over the tannoy.

Emperor Dalek: Oh kruk no! Not him, we are not ready! Get all available Daleks down to The Laboratory immediately!


	14. Look What The Time Corridor Dragged In!

The Laboratory.

Tardis Materilaisation sound finishes.

Auxiliary Dalek: Emperor what should I do?

Emperor Dalek: (over tannoy) Keep The Doctor in The Laboratory, do not let him leave his blue box! Reinforcements are on the way!

Auxiliary Dalek: Blue box? What blue box?

Click and the sound of a door swinging open.

Emperor Dalek: (over tannoy) His Tardis you fool don't let him leave!

Auxiliary Dalek: It's not a blue box It is a Grandfather Clock!

Voice: And I am not The Doctor!

Emperor Dalek: (over tannoy) Who are you?

Auxiliary Dalek: You will identify yourself! Auxiliary Dalek interrogating prisoner!

Voice: Prisoner? I think not, I am The Master! And you will obey me!

(And indeed it is! The Roger Delgado version.)

Emperor Dalek: (over tannoy) That will not work on my Daleks!

Auxiliary Dalek: (dreamily) Master! What do you require?

Emperor Dalek: (over tannoy) Oh Krukking hell!

Door slide open. The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, and Other Daleks 2 and 3 enter.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: DO NOT MOVE!

Other Dalek 2: Do not Move!

Other Dalek 3: DO NOOOTTTT MMMOOOVVVEEEEEEE!

Awkward pause.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: You are a prisoner of the Daleks…

Other Dalek 3: (interrupts) DOOOO NOOOOOOTTTT MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEEEE!

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I'll deal with you later!

Emperor Dalek: (over Tannoy) bring him to me!

The Master: Wait! Turn your eyestalks to me! Look at my eyes I'm going to click my fingers, (clicks) you are all under my power! I am The Master and you will obey me and only me! You will not remember this conversation, but when I give the command to "Exterminate!" You will all exterminate The Emperor, I am going to click my fingers again, you will all return to your duties on one, two, three, (clicks) And you're back in the room!

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Are you done?

The Master: It didn't work did it?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Nope!

The Master: Ahh well okay then Bye!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: STAY WHERE YOU ARE OR YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATTTEEEEDDDDD!

Pause

The Master: Only joking! Take me to see The Emperor, I have an interesting proposition for him.

A planet somewhere in the universe, waves can be heard lapping against the shore.

Dalek 1: Well that was fun!

Dalek 2: Yes! You can't beat a good exterminate!

Dalek 1: We must now return to the Emperor!

Dalek 2: Wait! What is that smell?

Dalek 1: I expect it's something to do with all the hundreds of dead fish I've noticed washing up all over the beeaach!

Dalek 2: Must be something in the water!

Dalek 1: Come on let's go!

Klunk of a door shutting and the Space ship takes off.

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: So have you come to negotiate or surrender?

The Master: Negotiate?

Emperor Dalek: Yes! I see you survived the Time War, are you here to negotiate or surrender?

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Well?

The Master: Time War? I have no idea what you mean, I was travelling in the time space vortex when suddenly my ship went off course and was forced to land here!

Emperor Dalek: I see! Very well exterminate him!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Emperor! That may cause another time paradox!

Emperor Dalek: I know I'm going to regret this but explain!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: The Master is a time lord, he is travelling through time, in his personal history certain events are yet to occur and exterminating him now will alter history!

Emperor Dalek: Like what?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Er… Things we cannot mention in front of the prisoner in case he uses the information to change the course of history!

Emperor Dalek: It doesn't matter; I seem to remember we executed him on Skaro eventually!

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Things like that!

Emperor Dalek: Oh kruk!

The Master: So Emperor you can't exterminate me yet! And all I have to do is avoid travelling to Skaro! HA Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Emperor Dalek: All the more reason to exterminate him now before he does any further damage to the time line!

The Master: No wait! I can be of use to you!

Emperor Dalek: I know I'm definitely going to regret asking this, but how could you be of use to The Daleks?

The Master: I see you are using humans to create a new army of Daleks, is it successful?

Emperor Dalek: Of course!

The Master: But I notice some of them still retain their humanity, some of your Daleks are still too human, too susceptible!

Emperor Dalek: You know no such thing; this is just another one of your scams!

The Master: Let us see (clicks) EXTERMINATE!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: As I thought none of my Daleks were really taken in by your ridiculous attempts at hypnotism!

Other Dalek 3: EXTERMINATE THE EMPEROR!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: EXTERMINATE!

Extermination sound and explosion.

Emperor Dalek: Well done, Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek! So only one of my Daleks was taken in by your ridiculous attempts at hypnotism!

Doors slide open.

Auxiliary Dalek: EXTERMINATE THE EMPEROR!

Extermination sounds.

Auxiliary Dalek: (faintly) Auxiliary Dalek dyyyiiiiiinnnngggggggg!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Yes, well, he doesn't count!

The Master: But nevertheless, you can see there is a flaw, I can help you, just let me use your laboratory, place me under guard if you wish, I promise it will be to your advantage!

Emperor Dalek: Very well… but if you fail

The Master: (interrupts) You will have me exterminated! Well in fact I already know you will so I wont be holidaying in your neighbourhood! However if I can't avoid that I will cheat death somehow, and get The Doctor to bring my remains back to Gallifrey so I can take over his body and his remaining incarnations! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Emperor Dalek: Take him to the laboratory!

The Master: Or perhaps I should steal the sash of Rasillon…

Other Dalek 2: YOU WILL COME WITH ME!

Doors slide open

The Master ( fading off) Or steal some paintings…Prevent The Magna Carta…Visit The Cheetah people…

Pause

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Permission to speak freely Emperor!

Emperor Dalek : Very well..

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: You cannot trust The Master he is krukking nuts! He shrinks people and keeps them in his lunchbox!

Emperor Dalek: I have heard the rumours, what does his Tardis look like?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: At the moment it is a chest of draws, which he exited via the bottom drawer!

Emperor Dalek: Have his Tardis taken to your storage room, and make sure The Master is observed at all times!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: All times?

Emperor Dalek: YES! Even if it means missing Bullseye!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I obey!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! It must be time for Countdown soon…


	15. Don't Look Down!

The Lair of the Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: Hello guards!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Yes you lot! The guards that hover above me in an ever-constant vigil, I am saying hello to you!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Hellooo!

Hovering Guards: Hello…. Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: I just want to say that you are doing an excellent job up there! Guarding my big shiny helmet! Keep it up!

Hovering Guard 1: Thank you Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: That's okay! You may now return to your duties!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Oh guards…!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Just one more thing, do you ever find that you get dizzy hovering up there all day long?

Hovering Guard 1: Er….No Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: I see! Only I heard that sometimes whilst hovering at a considerable height above ground level, the act of looking down can make one feel sick and queasy! And this feeling can sometimes cause the affected body to fall uncontrollably to its doom!

Pause

Hovering Guard 1: Daleks do not fear heights! Daleks do not get sick or queasy!

Emperor Dalek: Indeed!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Have you anything to report?

Hovering Guard 1: Everything is secure Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Then by all means carry on!

Pause

Hovering Guard Daleks confer in muffled tones.

Hovering Guard 1: Well you will have to tell him yourself!

Pause

Hovering Guard 1: Proceeed!

Pause

Hovering Guard 2: Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Yes?

Hovering Guard 2: May I be excused?

Emperor Dalek: For what reason?

Hovering Guard 2: I…I am feeling sick and queasy!

Emperor Dalek: Then don't look down!

Hovering Guard 2: (quietly) I will obey!

Emperor Dalek: What did you just say!

Hovering Guard 2: I….I said-

Emperor Dalek: (interrupts) And look at me when you address me!

Hovering Guard 2: YOU TOLD ME NOT TO LOOK DOWN!…. Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: And now I'm telling you to look at me! Don't look at the ground look straight at me!

Hovering Guard 2: I obey…AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!

Crashing sound followed by an explosion.

Pause

Emperor Dalek: Wimp!

The Laboratory

Clunks and whirring sounds can be heard as The Master potters around humming to himself.

Other Dalek 2: You will continue with your work!

The Master: I am working! I'm just looking for a transdimensional neutron washer, to compliment this transdimensional neutron screw and bolt! There does not appear to be one available.

Other Dalek 2: Is the transdimensional neutron washer an essential component?

The Master: Essential? No it's vital!

Pause

The Master: I have one in my Tardis! I'll just go and get it…

Other Dalek 2: STAY WHERE YOU ARRRRRRE!

The Master: Don't worry it is not necessary for me to actually go inside my Tardis, not when it is the form of a chest of draws! In this shape the Tardis chameleon circuit is configured to place all those handy little gadgets and knick knacks in the top drawer, I need only open the draw and simply retrieve the necessary component.

Other Dalek 2: If this is a trick you will be exterminated!

The Master: Oh no no no, I wouldn't dream of trying to escape in such an obvious fashion! I will simply open the draw, be assured there are no nasty surprises inside my Tardis!

Banging noise can be heard from inside The Master's Tardis. The Draws rattle and the whole thing shakes.

Other Dalek 2: What is going on?

The Master: Er… nothing the slave master relay circuits are reconfiguring themselves, that's all.

Other Dalek 2: Proceed to the draw open it slowly and retrieve the transdimensional neutron washer, then close the draw, do not deviate from your objective or you will be exterminated!

The Master: I obey!

Pause

Doors open The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek enters.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : What is going on?

The Master: I need to retrieve a transdimensional neutron washer from my Tardis, I am proceeding slowly to retrieve the item from the top draw, this Dalek will exterminate me if I deviate!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : The Emperor has ordered me to remove your Tardis to a place of safe keeping!

The Master: Well that's very kind of him but I need that washer, you wouldn't happen to have one would you?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : A transdimensional neutron washer?

The Master: Yes…

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : What size?

The Master: 5mm should do it…

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : I only have 6mm but you could use that and bung up the gap with a bit of cloth!

The Master: That's a rather shoddy way to go about it, I would rather use the correct size, I'm surprised at you Daleks your standards are slipping!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : We are in a post war recession we have to make do!

The Master: Yes well I'm going to open the draw now!

More Banging noises from inside The Master's Tardis. The Draws rattle and the whole thing shakes.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

Other Dalek 2: DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOOOOVVVVEEEEE!

The Master: It's nothing to worry about!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : You are trying to trick the Daleks, you must be exterminated!

The Master: I'm not honest!

The top draw opens a thick neanderthal like voice can be heard from inside.

Voice inside: Master?

The Master: I told you to stay inside!

Voice inside: But me lonely Master! Me want hug!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : Who is this? Show yourself you are a prisoner of the Daleks!

The Master: It's only Ug he's just my housekeeper!

Ug emerges from the top draw, and falls onto the floor, he is an Ogron.

Ug The Ogron: Master? Me lonely!

The Master: Ug I told you to wait inside!

Ug The Ogron: Inside, yes, Ug obey but inside is very dark and scary!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : You are an Ogron you work for the Daleks!

Ug The Ogron: Oh Dalek all blingy, shiny! Ug work for grey Daleks, but now Ug obey The Master!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : You hypnotised this Ogron?

The Master: Well after that incident with the Draconians I felt he would be useful to have around, keep the place tidy and so on, Ug you didn't by any chance see a transdimensional neutron washer whilst you were in there did you?

Ug The Ogron: Er me no know!

The Master: Small thing round with a hole about this big with strange and eerie neutronic emission qualities!

Ug The Ogron: Small glowy thing!

The Master: That's it Ug the small glowy thing! Have you got it?

Ug The Ogron: Small glowy thing with hole in the middle!

The Master: The very thing, do you have it?

Ug The Ogron: No!

The Master: Do you know its location?

Ug The Ogron: Yes!

The Master: Well then retrieve it for me!

Ug The Ogron: Ug cannot!

The Master: I am your Master! You will obey me in all things ! Get that transdimensional neutron washer for me now!

Ug The Ogron: Master Ug cannot do this!

The Master: Why not?

Ug The Ogron: Me eat it!

The Master: You ate my transdimensional neutron washer?

Ug The Ogron: Me hungry!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : Looks like you will need my 6mm after all!

The Master: It does doesn't it?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : What are you building?

The Master: A device that will allow The Daleks to control every human on earth! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !


	16. Who's The Daddy?

The Lair Of The Emperor Dalek.

Emperor Dalek: Reporrtttt!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: I'm waiting!

Pause

Doors open and close The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek enters.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Emperor, The Master's Tardis has been moved to my storeroom!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Glad to see someone is on top of things!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Is everything okay Emperor?

Emperor Dalek: Moments before you entered, I asked for a report, no Dalek responded.

Pause.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: There are no other Daleks present Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: None?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Apart from the guards that hover above your helmet in an ever constant vigil!

Emperor Dalek: And they failed to respond!

Hovering Guard 1: Emperoooorrrr!

Emperor Dalek: Ahh at last you have found your voice, REPOOORRRTTTTT!

Hovering Guard 1: The helmet area is secure!

Emperor Dalek: Is it gleamy and shiny?

Hovering Guard 1: Yes Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: EXCELLENT! I shall overlook the fact that you did not look down when you addressed me in your report!

Hovering Guard 1: It is a precaution, looking down may cause me to crash to my doom!

Emperor Dalek: You serve The Daleks! Your life does not matter!

Hovering Guard 1: But fragments of my shattered casing could scratch and dent your shiny gleamy helmet Emperor!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: This is true, very well you have shown initiative!

Hovering Guard 1: Does this mean I could be promoted Emperor?

Emperor Dalek: You mean become a Black Dalek?

Hovering Guard 1: Yes Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: And finally escape the drudgery of hovering guard duty?

Hovering Guard 1: Hovering Guard duty is Fulfilling!

Emperor Dalek: I'm very glad to hear it!

Hovering Guard 1: Staring at your shiny gleamy helmet all day whilst hovering above ground at a dangerous height is challenging and rewarding!

Emperor Dalek: Well if it is challenging and rewarding why do you wish to leave?

Hovering Guard 1: I wish to further my potential and apply my centuries of experience in staring at your shiny gleamy helmet all day whilst hovering above ground at a dangerous height to further use!

Emperor Dalek: It's not because you find it boring then?

Hovering Guard 1: No Emperor! I serve the Daleks my personal fulfillment or boredom is inconsequential!

Emperor Dalek: Hmmmm…. I will think on this… Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, how much black paint do we have?

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Enough for two Black Daleks Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Two Black Daleks? Excellent! In that case I will promote you Hovering Guard Dalek!

Hovering Guard 1: Thank you Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: As a Black Dalek you will be responsible for overseeing the Guard Duty of all hovering Guards by taking up prime position over my shiny gleamy helmet all day long hovering above ground at a dangerous height!

Pause

Hovering Guard 1: But that is my present function!

Emperor Dalek: Exactly! You have centuries of experience in this challenging and rewarding task there is no candidate more worthy than you!

Pause

Hovering Guard 1: Thank…You…Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Think nothing of it good prospects and career advancement are essential for an efficient Dalek Empire!

Doors open and close Other Dalek 2 enters.

Emperor Dalek: REPPPPPPOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!

Pause

Other Dalek 2: The Master is ready to provide a demonstration of his device!

Emperor Dalek: Excellent! show him in!

Doors slide open and shut. The Master and Ug enter, Ug is carrying the device.

The Master: Be careful Ug set it down slowly!

Ug The Ogron: Ug obey!

Crashing sound!

Ug The Ogron: Sorry…

The Master: It's okay I allowed for your clumsiness by constructing the demonstration model from polycarbide armour!

Ug The Ogron: Ug not clumsy! Ug just have big hands!

The Master: Yes and smelly armpits, now if you don't mind!

Ug The Ogron: Ogron smell to attract female Ogron! Then make Ogron babies!

Pause

Emperor Dalek: I TIRE OF THIS! PROCEED WITH YOUR DEMONSTRATION!

The Master: Yes Emperor! Right away!

Ug The Ogron: Ug feel horny now!

The Master: Ug! Be silent! Emperor you may recall that earlier I observed that your new Daleks retain far too much of their original humanity.

Emperor Dalek: I recall this proceed!

Ug The Ogron: When Ogron is horny and there is no mate we use the next best thing!

Pause

The Master: Ug! TOO MUCH INFORMATION! Be silent, I am your Master! My apologies Emperor it must be the Ogron mating season.

Emperor Dalek: Very well…Proceed!

The Master: Well the solution is simple, you have very cleverly enslaved the human race, but your Dalek force will be far more efficient if you adopt measures to condition them unknowingly.

Ug The Ogron: Hello Dalek…

Emperor Dalek: You mean subliminally?

Ug The Ogron: Can I feel your bumps?

The Master: I do indeed!

Emperor Dalek: And how do you propose we do that?

Other Dalek 2: ALERT! ALERT! UNDER ATTACK!

Ug the Ogron grunts and groans.

Emperor Dalek: What is going on?

The Master: It's nothing Emperor Ogrons are wild beasts it is best just to let him get it out of his system, I'm sure it will all be over in a matter of minutes!

Other Dalek 2: EMERGENCY! EMERGEN…oohhh!

Ug the Ogron still grunts and groans.

Ug the Ogron: Suffer Bitch Suffer!

Emperor Dalek: Proceed with your explanation!

The Master: Er where was I? Oh yes Planting subliminal messages!

Ug The Ogron: OOOHHHH! OOOHHHH! OOOHHHHH! WHO'S THE DADDY! OOOHHHHH!

Other Dalek 2: Help meeeee!

Emperor Dalek: But we already Plant subliminal messages on our gameshows!

Ug The Ogron ceases to groan.

The Master: And all that achieves is to encourage the human race to do nothing but get drunk, watch TV, and er procreate, Ug go and clean yourself up!

Ug The Ogron: Yes Master, see you around baby!

Doors slide open and shut.

Emperor Dalek: Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek, see what you can do about cleaning away those stains from that Dalek!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: I obey!

Other Dalek 2: Thank you Emperor!

Emperor Dalek: Be Silent you slut!

Pause

Water spray can be heard as The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek starts to clean.

The Master: As I was saying Emperor humans are lazy, you cannot make good Daleks from lazy people!

Squeaking sounds as The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek starts scrubbing.

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: Is the friction too much for you?

Other Dalek 2: Don't you start!

Emperor Dalek: So what does this machine do?

The Master: Physical activity! What is it that all humans need to do?

Emperor Dalek: Apart from get drunk, watch TV, and procreate?

The Master: Yes apart from that!

Emperor Dalek: I do not know…

The Master: They need to clean!

Emperor Dalek: To clean?

The Master: Yes Emperor this superb vacuum cleaner comes with suction settings as thin as a mat or as thick as shagpile!

Other Dalek 2: Do not mock me!

The Master: I wasn't mocking you, it was just a coincidence that I looked in your direction when I said the word shagpile! He's very sensitive isn't he?

Emperor Dalek: So it cleans what is subliminal about that?

The Master: I am coming to that Emperor, this product is unique, it is the worlds first silent vacuum cleaner!

Emperor Dalek: And that is good because?

The Master: Because humans find cleaning to be boring Emperor! They like to do it whilst watching tv or listening to music, and that is where my piece de resistance comes in!

Emperor Dalek: Presumably I am supposed to ask what that might be!

The Master: This silent vacuum cleaner comes fitted with an MP3 player!

Emperor Dalek: Really how big?

The Master: Well I thought 20GB ought to do it! And a cordless headset!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: That is about 750,000 songs!

The Master: Indeed! But the MP3 player is rigged to play subliminal messages designed to instill Dalek loyalty and conditioning into the user!

The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek: With 750,000 songs just exactly how long are you expecting them to clean for?

The Master: It does not matter, they can have a variety of songs but minimal exposure to the subliminal messages will trigger the conditioning!

Emperor Dalek: What sort of messages?

The Master: Well that would be up to you Emperor what sort of messages would you like?

Emperor Dalek: Hmmmm… Let's see! How about The Daleks reign Supreme!

The Master: That sounds good!

Emperor Dalek: Or We are the superior race of the universe, join us or be exterminated!

The Master: Brilliant Emperor, now if I can make another suggestion, trust me on this…

Emperor Dalek: Proceedddd!

The Master: Dalek plush toys…

Emperor Dalek: Talking plush toys?

The Master: you read my mind!


End file.
